OCEAN'S ELEVEN (2001)

A professional criminal, Danny Ocean (George Clooney), comes up with an idea to simultaneously rob three large casinos in Las Vegas of around 150 million dollars in cold hard cash money duckets cheddar. Naturally, in order to do this, he will need ten of his trendiest and dorkiest friends. You got the one guy with the computers and the other guy who’s good at the thing and the one guy with perhaps the most distractingly bad British accent in movie history. You catch what me drippin', guvna? Oh yeah, the casinos are all owned by the guy (Andy Garcia) who is now long-dicking Ocean’s ex-wife, Julia Roberts. Imagine that.

Every time I sit down to watch OCEAN’S ELEVEN I end up watching part 2 and 3 also. I think my handsome brain just sees all three of them as one singular six-hour movie. The entire series really is super enjoyable junk food for the brain. Solid acting by the entire cast, a goofy story that’s about as believable as the Book of Genesis, not as many location shots of Las Vegas as I wanted, zero nudity, zero cheerleaders, two bumbling Oceaners who bicker back and forth so much that you wanna bash their skulls together like in HELLRAISER: BLOODLINES, a two-hour runtime that flies by and leaves you wanting more, lots of goofy dialogue that super fun to laugh at, confident direction.

As far as dude-centric, early 2000's American heist films go, OCEAN'S ELEVEN is one of the better ones. It's a good comfort movie to have playing in the background. I wish the people behind the movie would edit together a six-hour supercut of all three films. That way when you're playing it you don't have to flip over to the next film.

Original - Ocean's 11 (1960)
Part 2 - Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Part 3 - Ocean's Thirteen (2007)
Spin-off - Ocean's Eight (2018)

FLATLINERS (1990)

Four beautiful people and Oliver Platt decide to explore the mysteries of death (and the possibility of an afterlife) by committing temporary suicide in a construction site.  Things go about as well as you would expect.  That's right, a ghost tells Kevin Bacon that his breath smells like "buffalo farts".

For a late 1980's / early 1990's studio thriller, FLATLINERS is alright.  I guess.  The story is worthless, but the big name cast makes it an interesting cinematic novelty.  There's also a lot of big hair and brown clothing.  Slow pace, dramatic movie lighting overload, lots of wind blowing around (even inside buildings), the world's most useless window shades, lame ending that leaves the viewer completely unsatisfied, a Cure poster, really boring ghosts, really boring story, a few split second glimpses of nudity, really boring characters that don't seem like actual humans just characters in a movie. The ghost of an injured dog. I didn't care for that at all.

If you're looking for a movie that fits the definition of 5/10, then FLATLINERS would be a good choice.  The movie you create in your head when initially hear the brief synopsis "Five medical students try to discover what is beyond death by creating near-death experiences." is way more exciting than what actually happens onscreen.  Honestly, probably 6.66 days after you watch FLATLINERS you won't even remember that you watched it.  Innocent (and loin-meltingly handsome) movie critic accidentally creates a near-coma experience by watching FLATLINERS.  Amirite?

Oh well. Watch it if you want. I don't give a fuck. If you need me, I'll be in a my room watching FINAL DESTINATION 2.

Remake - Flatliners (2017)