JESSE STONE: NO REMORSE (2010)

I’m so dead that they’re going to have to bury me twice. I waited 10 years to watch the next installment of the Jesse Stone series and I wish I had waited 10 more. Hell, a hundred more! Baby buttfucking Jesus, is this a slow movie.

The film starts in Boston with some dude in a parking garage getting shot in the back of the noodle. At the same time, still-suspended small town police chief Tom Selleck is dealing with a new phone he recently bought and turning down the women who want to jump his bones. Soon there is a second identical murder and the Boston Police call in Tom Selleck for help. Stuff happens and he gets coffee at a gay bar. The End.

It’s strange, I love the old Magnum, P.I. TV series and can watch it over and over and over. Especially episodes with Higgins in it, but goddamn this Jesse Stone series is straight-up murdering me! I actually have quite a bit to say about the movie, but I’m in so much pain right now that I just gotta publish this turkey and go to bed. Maybe I’ll re-visit this review later. God, I hope not.

Part 1 - Stone Cold (2005)
Part 2 - Jesse Stone: Night Passage (2006)
Part 3 - Jesse Stone: Death in Paradise (2006)
Part 4 - Jesse Stone: Sea Change (2007)
Part 5 - Jesse Stone: Thin Ice (2009)
Part 7 - Jesse Stone: Innocents Lost (2011)
Part 8 - Jesse Stone: Benefit of the Doubt (2012)
Part 9 - Jesse Stone: Lost in Paradise (2015)

COMPUTERCIDE (1982)

The 1996 of DEMOLITION MAN might have been a crime-filled shithole, but, in COMPUTERCIDE, 1996 is a crime-free paradise filled with weird, funky cars. And since all crimes are solved by computers there is very little use for private detectives. Enter our hero: starving private detective Michael Stringer. While finishing up a missing dog case, he’s contacted by a woman, Lisa, to investigate the death of her father. The computers didn’t find any foul play, but she suspects something is amiss since the dead version of her father is 20 years younger than her real father! Now they must go undercover (as a couple) to the cult-like housing community where her dad lived.

For a lower-budget film made in 1977 and not released until 1982, COMPUTERCIDE is okay. I was able to get through it easy enough. Still, it was rough around the edges and the script didn’t have enough going for it to keep the incredibly handsome viewer engaged. Lackluster acting, bland sets, bland clothing, bland colours, below average pace, unfunny humor, music that didn’t match the scenes, better cast than the script deserves. The title shown on the version I watched for this review called the film FINAL EYE, but all of the television listings I found for August 1, 1982 listed the movie as COMPUTERCIDE. One journalist even suggested that NBC only aired “…this unsold pilot dating back to 1977.” because ABC was airing ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE during the same time slot. I personally like the title COMPUTERCIDE much better and foolishly thought this movie was going to be about either an evil computer killing people in a high-rise skyscraper, a murderous electronic kid’s toy or maybe even somehow an evil computer dating service!

As it is though, COMPUTERCIDE is an interesting television novelty that nerds like myself would find interesting. Everybody else would probably be bored to sleep within 15 minutes.

NIGHT OF THE JUGGLER (1980)

Despite the vast majority of the movie taking place during the daytime, THE NIGHT OF THE JUGGLER is the mildly entertaining story about a lunatic (Cliff Gorman) who plans on kidnapping the daughter of a wealthy family in exchange for a big payout, but instead (since he’s also a moron) he accidentally kidnaps the daughter of a truck driving ex-cop (James Brolin) who might actually be more insane that the kidnapper! The kidnapping takes place early on in the film in broad daylight, so now the rest of the movie is simply Brolin running around New York City pissing off everybody and acting like an asshole.

Car chases, foot chases, a fight in a peep show joint, Mandy Patinkin as a cab driver, Dan Hedaya as a psychotic cop who wants to murder Brolin, a small amount of gunfire, steady pace, a few interesting (but ultimately disappointing) scenes filmed at the old legendary 42nd Street, a few quick glimpses of female nudity, at least 3 instances of the a boom mic dipping down into the scene, a fight scene set in a darken tunnel, a couple of scenes set in a devastated area of NYC that looks like it had been recently bombed, good acting, disappointing finale and abrupt ending.

Overall, THE NIGHT OF THE JUGGLER is a watchable film, but I’d really love to see a gritty, hyper-violent  remake and a well-made documentary about the making of the 1980 film that also delves into the history of the NYC shown in the movie. Oh yeah, the film is also based on an original 1975 novel (of the same name) by William P. McGivern, but I never read it. Sounds interesting though!

For other films kinda based on similar themes check out HIGH AND LOW and I SAW THE DEVIL.