THE CRAFT (1996)

Welcome 2 the witching hour, motherfucker.  One year before Buffy arrived at Sunnydale High, Sarah (Robin Tunney) arrives as a new student at a Los Angeles prep school.  Almost immediately she’s taken in by the local teenage witch coven.  Things happen and before you can say “Give me sum of dat Gargamel pussy!” they’re haphazardly firing off spells all over the joint.  Pew, pew, pew!  But, of course, we all know that casting spells around willy-nilly never works out well.

Witchcraft is fucking awesome.  High school is fucking awesome.  So, when you mix the two together, it’s just simple mathematics that the movie is going to be dope.  THE CRAFT is obviously dated, but the vintage clothes, weak special effects and cringe dialogue just add to the charm of the film.

Revisiting THE CRAFT again for this review, I was kinda surprised at how much Fairuza Balk carried the film.  I’m also surprised that nobody ever used her in a demon possession film.  Hell, maybe they did.  What do I know?  Strong supporting cast, weak main cast (outside of Fairuza and Neve Campbell), average direction, zero nudity, zero gore, a few cool spells but nothing super awesome, zero hardcore violence, DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE and PANTHER playing at the same movie theater we last saw in COLORS, weak usage of potentially awesome Los Angeles locations, weak soundtrack, zero time-travel, zero ninjas, average pace.  For grumpy old wizards like myself, THE CRAFT has a lot of nostalgic value, but younger apprentice wizards might find the entire thing to be weak.

Anyway, if you love old stuff like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed or Angel, then you should check out THE CRAFT.

[Post-review note: This has absolutely nothing to do with the review, but hundreds of years ago, I was talking to a stranger (who headbangs side-to-side) at a Cemetery Filth show.  In a moment of human weakness, I let down my guard and mentioned a secret thought that I have never told anybody before: I always see Eyehategod and THE CRAFT as being connected in my brain because I once saw Eyehategod and THE CRAFT was playing on a small TV above the bar.  The memory of that moment has always made me smile, but when I die, that nonsensical connection will be lost forever.

She then mentioned how that connection is now in her brain also.  I thought that was an incredibly sweet thing to say.  I’m sure that she was lying, since everything everybody says to me is a lie, but it was a nice gesture and one of the kindest lies anyone has told me in a very long time.  And now, you have that pointless connection in your brain too.

P.S. As I’m typing this, my furry lil boi Charlie is attempting to sneak up on me, but the morning Sun that he loves so much is betraying him since I can see his hunkered down shadow creeping up closer and closer.  Of course, I’ll still act surprised when he fin…AGGGHHHHGHH!!!]

Part 2 - The Craft: Legacy (2020)

GAS, FOOD LODGING (1992)

Ione Skye and Fairuza Balk are sisters living in a small New Mexico town where nothing ever happens.  There's no money because there's no jobs.  Their well-meaning mom works all the time as a waitress down at the truck stop, but because she works so much she's never home. The oldest girl passes all of her time with boys and the youngest watching movies down at the local movie theater.

Normal real life dramas happen: mom dates, the older girl gets fucked over by self-centered boys and the youngest searches for her father. Each of the women and the various men in their lives are well fleshed out, but I found my mind wandering during the movie. I really liked the story, but towards the end it became apparent it really wasn't going anywhere. Maybe that was the point of the movie, but I felt like the story needed a little more structure. The drama needed to be more raw. There were a few moments where I saw that flash of emotion I was looking for (the abortion argument, borrowing the $50, the kitchen arguments), but then the story would slow down again to a crawl. That's the fault of the script thought because the actors all did great jobs with what they were given, especially the three leads. I was also impressed with James Brolin's brief appearance. He really is a great actor.

I don't want to sound too negative about this movie though, I actually liked it despite its flaws and would watch it again.