THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER (1979)

A bad guy steals an airliner by simply flying off in it. The owner hires two detectives, Tom Selleck and James Whitmore, Jr., (or “Whitemore” as that one newspaper clipping shown below says) to get it back. Boring stuff happens and our heroes come up with a plan to say they have a bogus blueprint for a “Chinese typewriter”. What the fuck? I watched the entire movie and I still don't understand the story.

The only reason this unsold pilot even has a minor footnote in movie history is it has a few connections to the 1980’s television program “Magnum, P.I.” As a fan of that show, I thought it’d be fun to check out THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER. Wrong. While I do understand my thinking from a few hours ago…the reality has been nothing but pain and boredom. I wish I knew karate so I could dropkick this smelly DVD into a tree shredder.

Lifeless acting, underdeveloped (and boring) characters, weak action scenes, unfunny humor (I’m talking Nikki Glaser-level antifunny), needlessly confusing story, bland camerawork, a newspaper featuring a reversed photograph from a scene that takes place later in the movie (what is this LADY TERMINATOR? Or the TV-edit of EARTHQUAKE?), slow pace, multiple annoying usages of the term “percentage play”, wasted scenery.

The few connections to Magnum are interesting (I guess), but not worth wasting the 77 minutes it takes to watch this turkey. The most unusual is a small cutscene of a beachside shower that was later used in a Season 1 episode of Magnum. That was just odd.

JESSE STONE: NO REMORSE (2010)

I’m so dead that they’re going to have to bury me twice. I waited over 10 years to watch the next installment of the Jesse Stone series and I wish I had waited 10 more. Hell, a hundred more! Baby buttfucking Jesus, is this a slow movie.

The film starts in Boston with some dude in a parking garage getting shot in the back of the noodle. At the same time, still-suspended small town police chief Tom Selleck is busy turning down women who want to jump his bones and dealing with a new phone he recently bought. Soon there is a second identical murder and the Boston Police call in Tom Selleck for help. Stuff happens and he gets coffee at a gay bar. The End.

It’s strange, I love the old Magnum, P.I. TV series and can watch it over and over and over. Especially episodes with Higgins, but goddamn this Jesse Stone series is straight-up murdering me! I actually have quite a bit to say about the movie, but I’m so depressed and in so much pain right now that I just wanna publish this turkey and go to bed.

Part 1 - Stone Cold (2005)
Part 2 - Jesse Stone: Night Passage (2006)
Part 3 - Jesse Stone: Death in Paradise (2006)
Part 4 - Jesse Stone: Sea Change (2007)
Part 5 - Jesse Stone: Thin Ice (2009)
Part 7 - Jesse Stone: Innocents Lost (2011)
Part 8 - Jesse Stone: Benefit of the Doubt (2012)
Part 9 - Jesse Stone: Lost in Paradise (2015)

COMA (1978)

Tense medical thriller about a doctor (Genevieve Bujold) who starts to notice strange things going on at her hospital.  It seems that an unusual number of healthy people are going into a coma after seemingly normal procedures.  Any efforts to investigate or take the matter up with the hospital management are met with resistance.  She then starts investigating on her own.

COMA is a very well-made film.  It looks great and the acting by the impressive cast is top-notch, the only thing that threw me off was why didn't Genevieve's character ever contact the police or even a local news station or newspaper?

COMA fits in well with other paranoia films of the time (THE STEPFORD WIVES, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS), but unlike those films (where the main victim was pretty much helpless or unaware) the victim here has many, many chances to contact outside help.  Other than that aspect, I liked the film and found the story idea to be really creepy.  Worth watching for fans of 1970's Cinema.

Pointless observation: If you look up the location of the Jefferson Institute on Google Maps (191 Spring St. Lexington, Massachusetts), as of August 2020, they really fixed up that building to look way less sinister and creepy.  Lots of new windows and a new outdoor sitting area. They even got rid of that awful pointy curb that people were probably blowing their tires out on.

Camera crew in reflection.