POLYESTER (1981)

"Marry him?! Are you kidding? I'm getting an abortion and I can't wait!"

Francine Fishpaw (Divine) is not having a good week.  Not only does her pornographer husband leave her for a younger (and less hairy) woman, but her mentally insane teenage son turns out to be the notorious "Foot Stomper" (who's been going around town stomping on women's feet) and her teenage daughter has gotten knocked up by a local juvenile delinquent (and is so desperate to get an abortion that she's been hitting herself in the stomach with a hammer and throwing herself, stomach-first into pointy objects)...but not everything is bad news bears in Francine's life, because she's also been swept off her stinky feet by the super sexy Todd Tomorrow (Tab Hunter)!

POLYESTER might have a bigger budget and better production values than previous John Waters' films, but it's still pretty messed up.  Murder, forced underage prostitution, public humiliation, cocaine, abortion, blasphemy, human trafficking, foot fetish, sexual assault, physical assault, elderly abuse, cross-dressing, alcoholism, teenage pregnancy, pornography, adultery, underage drinking, underage drug use, mental illness, attempted suicide, nuns.  In other words...it's awesome!

Plus, it's Edith Massey and Cookie Mueller's last John Waters film, so what is there not to love?

THE DIANE LINKLETTER STORY (1970)

Rumored to have been made by John Waters and a few fellow Dreamlanders (to test a new camera) the day after Diane Linkletter's suicide, THE DIANE LINKLETTER STORY was never intended for public consumption, but yet...here we are.

At only 10 minutes long, there's not a lot going on.  Mary Vivian Pearce and David Lochary star as two concerned parents, sitting on their living room sofa, talking about their daughter's wild life style.  After a few minutes, the daughter (Divine) walks in and announces that she's high on LSD.  They send her to her room upstairs.  She goes and almost immediately climbs out the window and jumps to her death.  The parents look at her bloody corpse in horror as the closing lines of Art Linkletter's tacky "We Love You, Call Collect" plays.  The End.

There's not a lot to say.  The dialogue seems to be completely improvised...at one point all three actors are talking at one time.  There's no attempt at professional-looking camera work...it simply pans around and zooms in and out, but not too fast.  The film is very watchable.

Honestly, THE DIANE LINKLETTER STORY isn't much to look at, but it is an interesting look into early Dreamlander stuff.  And I'm always happy to watch Divine, Mary and David!

LOVE LETTER TO EDIE (1975)

Very sweet 14-minute documentary by Robert Maier (who worked on five different John Waters movies) about the wonderful Edith Massey.  For those of you not fortunately to know who Edith Massey is, she (in real life) worked at a place in Baltimore called "Pete's Hotel" bar.  It was there that John Waters first saw her.  He was instantly smitten by her unique look and personality.  She ended up, over the next 10+ years, appearing in five of his films, including his masterpiece PINK FLAMINGOS.

Even at only 14-minutes, LOVE LETTER TO EDIE packs in a lot of interesting stuff.  My favorite being Edie telling her life story (who knows if it's even accurate) while we watch her and other Dreamlanders (Pat Moran, Mink Stole, Mary Vivian Pearce) reenacting those events or just walking around.  I thought that was really cool and very nice of them to help with this short film.

If you don't care about Edith Massey or John Waters, then LLTE will probably be a bore, but if you are a fan then it's mandatory.  Also, strangely enough, there's two different versions of the film out there.  One looked to be the original (with audio commentary by Pat Moran) and an updated version that tweaked some of the credit stuff and had a slightly better picture.  I personally like the original better.

Recommended.

[Update 09/02/2021: Watched the updated blu-ray. The picture on the main film is much improved. There is also a 15-minute segment with director Robert Maier talking to the camera about how he got started with John Waters and then meeting Edie. He talks about his documentary some, then talks about how after it came out, he moved down the street from Edie and would see her around and hang out with her. Eventually he ended up taking turns with John Waters in driving her to her doctor’s appointments. Overall, it was very informative and sweet. I love the idea of John Waters driving Edie around on errands. That would make a great movie in itself! I also enjoyed hearing about Edie’s cat Lovey who didn’t like to be petted. I hope Lovey had a good life.]