THE EXORCIST III (1990)

Call it a hunch, but I think at one point there might have been a good movie hidden somewhere in here.  Unfortunately, that good movie didn't make it to the screen.  What did make it to the screen is a promising idea that's garbled all up and nowhere near as graphic or shocking as it should have been.

Fifteen years ago there was a serial killer haunting Georgetown and killing people in gruesome ways.  He was caught and executed.  Now suddenly the killings start up again and the killer is using the same unpublished techniques that the original killer used.  Police Lieutenant George C. Scott, who worked on the original case, is extremely shook up.  Then, when his best friend is tortured to death in a local hospital he takes it personally.  What does all of this have to do with the original Exorcist film you ask?  Not a whole hell of a lot until towards the end of the film they awkwardly shoehorn in a supernatural storyline featuring ol' Pazuzu as the killer!  What the f?

There are a few good moments of suspense (the hallway scene, the dining room scene), but for the most part, THE EXORCIST III looks like it was the victim of too much studio involvement.  Overall, it's still a good 90's movie that's worth checking out.  It'll probably be a disappointment to the majority of horror fans, but hey, it's still better than Part 2.

Original trilogy
Part 1 - The Exorcist (1973)
Part 2 - Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977)

Prequel films
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist (2005)

Sequel trilogy
Sequel 1 - The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

CRITTERS 4 (1992)

For a low budget sci-fi film, CRITTERS 4 (while not really original) isn't too horrible, but as a CRITTERS sequel it's pretty goddamn lame because there's hardly any Krite action until the last act of the film and even then it's weak.

In 1992, that stupid ass motherfucker Charlie (yes, he's still around stinking up the entire franchise) gets himself locked in a spaceship along with two Krite eggs and put into some kind of hibernation. Fast-forward 53 years and a salvage ship comes across Charlie's ship just floating around in space. The crew contacts the owners of the ship and are instructed to report to a nearby station to collect their reward. Once there, they crew discovers the station has been abandoned. Even worse, the two Krites escape and are now on the loose.

That set up took nearly 40 minutes of screen time, but it's not too bad since it was kinda entertaining.  Unfortunately though, instead of being claustrophobic and tense (like ALIEN), the remainder of CRITTERS 4 is just a long snoozefest. The two Krites are about as scary as a Muppet, the cheap sets get really old really quick, the story doesn't go anywhere, the action is pathetic and having Charlie as a main character is a fucking personal insult to every single person who paid to see this film.

If you want to complete the CRITTERS series, then you have no choice but to watch C4, but honestly everybody else should just stay away. It's not horrible, but it's not good either. There's so many better things you could be doing with your life than watching CRITTERS 4. Skip it.

Part 1 - Critters (1986)
Part 2 - Critters 2 (1988)
Part 3 - Critters 3 (1991)

What computers will look like in the year 2045.

URBAN LEGEND (1998)

Predictable, but enjoyable late-90's SCREAM clone.

There's a killer stalking a small group of college students, but instead of just hacking and slashing, the killer uses different urban legends like calling from inside the house, killer hiding in the back seat and headlight flashing to kill his victims. URBAN LEGEND isn't groundbreaking, but watching it again I got a little nostalgic for the simpler 90's, pre-SAW slasher films filled with cheesy alt-butt rock, no cell phones and funny looking internet sites...then again if you'd ask me what I thought of this film back in 1998 I probably would have said "It sucked balls." Oh well, I guess I'm getting old.

Zero gore, zero nudity, nearly all bloodless kills, low body count, 90's fashions, Alicia Witt looking hot as fuck, Jared Leto looking dreamy as fuck, Tara Reid looking only half busted, Danielle Harris dressed up as a Hollywood version of a goth (mmmmmm), Brad Dourif cameo, Freddy Krueger as a professor. For a horror movie, URBAN LEGEND is pretty shitty, but for entertainment it's passable and I got some good laughs out of it. Worth wasting your time with if it comes on cable and you're too drunk/high to change the channel.

Part 2 - Urban Legends: Final Cut (2000)
Part 3 - Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)