FLATLINERS (1990)

Four beautiful people and Oliver Platt decide to explore the mysteries of death (and the possibility of an afterlife) by committing temporary suicide in a construction site.  Things go about as well as you would expect.  That's right, a ghost tells Kevin Bacon that his breath smells like "buffalo farts".

For a late 1980's / early 1990's studio thriller, FLATLINERS is alright.  I guess.  The story is worthless, but the big name cast makes it an interesting cinematic novelty.  There's also a lot of big hair and brown clothing.  Slow pace, dramatic movie lighting overload, lots of wind blowing around (even inside buildings), the world's most useless window shades, lame ending that leaves the viewer completely unsatisfied, a Cure poster, really boring ghosts, really boring story, a few split second glimpses of nudity, really boring characters that don't seem like actual humans just characters in a movie. The ghost of an injured dog. I didn't care for that at all.

If you're looking for a movie that fits the definition of 5/10, then FLATLINERS would be a good choice.  The movie you create in your head when initially hear the brief synopsis "Five medical students try to discover what is beyond death by creating near-death experiences." is way more exciting than what actually happens onscreen.  Honestly, probably 6.66 days after you watch FLATLINERS you won't even remember that you watched it.  Innocent (and loin-meltingly handsome) movie critic accidentally creates a near-coma experience by watching FLATLINERS.  Amirite?

Oh well. Watch it if you want. I don't give a fuck. If you need me, I'll be in a my room watching FINAL DESTINATION 2.

Remake - Flatliners (2017)

THE LOST BOYS (1987)

"My own brother, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire...wait til mom finds out!"

Teen brothers Sam and Michael (Jason Patric and Corey Haim) move with their mom (Dianne Wiest) to the small coastal town of Santa Carla, California.  They soon discover that the area is a home to a gang of young vampires that like to feed on the all the burnouts and tourists. After falling for a local girl (and half vampire), the older brother Michael is soon taken in by the vampire clan. Now it's up to the younger brother and his new friends to save Michael before he turns into a full blown bloodsucker!

Unless you've been living underneath a pile of garlic for the last 400 years, you already know that THE LOST BOYS is the greatest pure 80's, big studio, teen audience, vampire movie ever! Mohawks, Molly Ringwald poster, Rob Lowe poster, vampires dressed up like Guns N' Roses; Corey Haim's wardrobe itself should have its own wing at the Smithsonian; the first on-screen pairing of the two Corey's (who would change the course of the universe just a year later with LICENSE TO DRIVE); blood squirting, interior of a video store, soundtrack featuring Echo & The Bunnymen and INXS, Jami Gertz looking hot as fook, surprisingly good direction by Joel Schumacher, tons of iconic lines, performances and moments including one of the greatest moments in the history of Cinema: that sweaty dude with the fucking sax. What. the. fuck. was that?!   Even if the rest of the movie sucked (which it didn't) that completely uncalled for 40 second clip of some bizarre, shirtless, oily, chain covered, spandex wearing, muscly beau hunk motherfucker gyrating/pre-twerking while whaling on his sax as flames shoot up around him would make the movie completely worth watching.  And what was up with that crowd?!  That song was fucking horrible, but they were going completely nuts over it!  There was even some nerds headbanging to a sax solo!!! 

I honestly could go on about THE LOST BOYS for hours, but how about you just watch it instead.  Highly recommended for all lovers of everything 80's and/or just vampire movies in general.  If you need me I'll be in my room eating maggots.

Double feature with FRIGHT NIGHT.

Part 2 - Lost Boys: The Tribe
Part 3 - Lost Boys: The Thirst

REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS poster.