TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1994)

I saw TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION in the theater when it originally came out and the main thing I remember is the audience laughing loudly at the movie...hard.  It was a lot of fun.

The story opens with a high school girl (Renee Zellweger) going to her prom then quickly leaving with three other students and getting lost on a dirt road.  They wreck their car and soon find themselves being terrorized and held captive some unfrightening dorks.  The leader of these dorks is Matthew McConaughey.  He has a leg brace on one leg that's controlled by a remote control.  It also makes whirring noises when he moves.  It's really funny.  The End.

Alright.  There's actually more to the movie than Matthew McConaughey's leg noises, but not much.  The story is weird because it's basically the same story as the original film, except that it takes place in some bizarre parallel universe where things are lamer, suckier and more boring.  Also in the original film Leatherface was terrifying as fook, but in this film Leatherface is about as scary as the Hamburglar.  He also screams almost non-stop, which is kinda funny.

Zero scares, zero nudity, lots of talking, stupid people everywhere, zero chainsaw deaths(!!!), Mr. Spottish stepping on it, terrible 90's rock music playing during the chase scenes, Leatherface chainsawing down a brick smokestack, Grandpa literally just standing up and walking off in the middle of the movie...never to be see again, a dueling remote control battle over McConaughey's leg, some unexplained sadist in a limousine, a mysterious crop duster appearance, the shortest car chase in movie history and the highlight of the film: cameos by three of the original cast members.  That was really cool.

Not a bad film, just a strange one.  In the right frame of mind it can be really funny.  Hell, it might actually be a comedy.

Part 1 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Part 2 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Part 3 - Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
Reboot 1 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Reboot prequel - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Reboot sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Prequel - Leatherface (2017)
Direct sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Marilyn "Sally Hardesty" Burns

John "Grandpa Sawyer" Dugan

Paul "Franklin Hardesty" Partain

REIGN OF FIRE (2002)

REIGN OF FIRE opens kinda alright in 2002 with a teenage boy being the first person to see a dragon rising up out of the ground.  Then, during the opening credits, we're told about how badass the dragons are and how all of the military forces in the world couldn't defeat them and how they fought tooth and nail in all of these super badass battles until finally....in 2020 everything has been burned up and now all we're left with is a bunch of half-starved survivors cowering in a blown up castle doing absolutely nothing.  Just waiting to die.  The leader of this band of nobodies is Christian Bale who somehow, in this grim environment, has found enough energy and protein to get yoked.

Then, in rides the equally yoked up Matthew McConaughey as an American soldier with a small army consisting of soldiers, a few armored vehicles and even a helicopter!  Some macho, alpha male posturing happens followed by a small dragon skirmish to show the viewer how these American studs deal with the dragons.  It's mildly exciting.  After that, more alpha male stuff happens until the boss fight at the end.  Yawn.

I went into REIGN OF FIRE expecting tons of dragon versus human action.  Droves of helicopters versus a thousand flying dragons, well-armed soldiers fighting dragons in awesome street combat scenes....nope, instead we get a handful of stragglers quivering in fear and then some soldiers dudes that end up only killing two dragons total!  Double yawn.

Mediocre acting by Bale and McConaughey (I honestly expected better from both of them), weak story, okay special effects, lame dragon vision, fake as fook looking tattoos, nearly all male cast, young Joffery, unsatisfying beginning, middle and ending.  It's easy to see why this tanked at the box office after it's opening weekend.  Skip it.