MANHATTAN BABY (1982)

[Update 03/02/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

While exploring around the Great Pyramid of Giza, an archaeologist is zapped in the eyes with lasers and his daughter possessed by an evil spirit via a crappy looking trinket.  Once back in NYC, the archaeologist is dealing with being blind while his daughter has all kinds of weird shit going on like sand suddenly appearing in her room and a scorpion appearing in a desk drawer. Very exciting stuff!

I'm guessing this is some kind of a evil spirit possession film made to cash in on the popularity of movies like THE EXORCIST and THE AMITYVILLE HORROR, but MANHATTAN BABY is a slow-moving turd that I'm sure has bored the hell out of the majority of people who've had the misfortune of seeing it. First off, it's so surreal and dreamy that you never fully understand what's going on.  Then when you realize there's an evil spirit possessing the daughter you expect there to at least be a big showdown at the end, but no, nothing happens. There's a laughable animal attack scene that looks like crap, then the movie's over. Yawn.

I'm not a fan of Lucio Fulci and MANHATTAN BABY didn't change my mind at all. The pace is painfully slow, the special effects are laughable, the nonstop eyeball close-ups made me want to kick the TV in the nuts and the story is shit. Nothing exciting happens the entire film. It's a snoozefest from beginning to end. Skip it.

THE BEYOND (1981)

[Update 03/02/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Louisiana, 1927. A lynch mob beat, crucify and quicklimed an artist they accused of watching a Will Smith movie, I mean, being a warlock. Fifty-four years later, a woman inherits the same hotel that the artist was murdered (and secretly buried) in. She starts renovating the joint, but then all kinds of bizarre, surreal, creepy shits starts happening. If even 1/666th of the shit that happens to this woman happened to me I'd leave the fucking state, but nope, she's determined to open this hotel no matter what! Freak accidents? So what? Zombies? No big deal. Portal to Hell? Eh, it happens.

This is probably Lucio Fulci's best film, but that really ain't saying much since he wasn't all that good...yep I said it. He did use a lot of gore and have a unique vision, so for the most part, his more popular films are pretty watchable, but he lesser known movies, like say DEMONIA, are some of the worst shit you'll ever have the misfortune of seeing.

Back to THE BEYOND: it's an interesting horror film, but really not that good. The story is poop, but some of the visuals are impressive. If you have an interest in film history or horror movies then it's worth checking out, but honestly it's pretty boring.

ZOMBI 3 (1988)

[Update 03/02/2021: Need to redo this review completely.  Fix the screenshots also.]

Some military scientists are working on a drug.  Some terrorists steal it, it gets loose and BAM! everybody's a zombie!!! Zombies that run, zombies that really, really like to climb up things and jump off of them, flying head zombies, legless swimming zombies, radio DJ zombies, zombies that like to hide in haystacks, zombies that like to jump out of bushes like an acrobat, zombies that like to hide under piers, zombies that if a hand grenade explodes 50 feet behind them they just fall over dead, zombies that just stand still and never move, zombie birds...every kind of zombie you can think of! It's complete chaos and I have no idea what the story was even going for, but it's goal was to make me laugh then it worked brilliantly.

If you are new to the zombie genre then wait until you've exhausted all of the classics before delving into this one, but if you're looking for a silly zombie film for you and your friends to laugh at then ZOMBI 3 is for you!