AIR FORCE ONE (1997)

President Harrison Ford ain't taking none of your shit, you smelly terrorist buttholes.  Now take your nasty unwashed, ballsackz and "Get off my plane!"

If you couldn't tell by the rousing music and the masses of people staring at him all glowy-eyed, President Harrison Ford is the greatest human in the history of the universe.  So, when some naughty terrorist poopheads (lead by Gary Oldman) hijack Air Force One, it's up to President Harrison Ford to fake his escape and then turn the tables on these silly, silly clownheads and give them a twenty-one nut kick salute to the balls!

For a 1990's action film, AIR FORCE ONE still holds up.  It's a little dated in the special effects and visceral action departments, but other than that it's an entertaining timewaster.  I especially liked the performances of the two leads (Ford and Oldman).  Although, I do wish that they would have made Oldman's character more psychotic.  Quick pace, lots of action, patriotism overdose, anti-climatic ending, zero nudity, President Harrison Ford, that one guy looking like he's holding in a very unpatriotic fart for the last half of the movie, explosions, overacting, the Wishmaster getting choked out, average direction.  Would make an interesting double-feature with EXECUTIVE DECISION.

Drinking game idea: every time somebody overrides another person's order, every time Gary Oldman screams and every time somebody sacrifices themselves to save President Harrison Ford's life.

LAWLESS (2012)

Three "lawless" brothers run moonshine off in the deep woods during the Prohibition.  Being "lawless" they use nothing but child labor to run the stills and only use the tears of the children, instead of water, to make the shine.  They also pass the time by raping everybody...wait, what?  Oh, they're not that "lawless" after all?  Well shit.  The only laws these "lawless" criminals actually do disobey are the manufacturing & selling alcohol and then getting violent when they have to.

Enough  about the misleading title.  The real story is about three good ol' boys, never meanin' no harm, makin' their way the only way they know how but that's just a little bit more than the law will allow.  There's also some stuff about the different women in their lives, but it all goes exactly as you would expect.  Actually the entire film goes pretty much by the numbers.  Mild violence, pretty women, potentially epic story material told with a pathetically average script, good acting by supporting actor Dane DeHaan, pretty scenery and a disappointingly small role by Gary Oldman.

When I heard about this film I was imagining all kinds of exciting gun battles, old timey slang and ultraviolence with a breakneck pace, but instead LAWLESS just putters along and never really goes anywhere.  Worth a watch, but just barely.  I know I'll never watch it ever again.  If you need me, I'll be in my room drinkin' some corn squeezin's.