YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER (2010)

[Update 04/11/2022: Need rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

*Sigh* Another year, another by-the-numbers Woody Allen movie. It's all here: the three or four main characters; the intertwining of their lives and secrets; a few slightly clever plot twists and the safe ending. No ups, no surprises, no reason to stay awake and pretty much zero resemblance to the vitality and cleverness of Allen's earlier films all the way up to THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION.

The main character is Naomi Watts. She's married to struggling writer Josh Brolin who has a crush on the neighbor, Freida Pinto. Naomi's father, Anthony Hopkins, has divorced her mother, Gemma Jones, and is now married to a prostitute, Lucy Punch. Oh yea, Naomi has the hots for her boss, Antonio Banderas. All the stuff you would expect to happen does and while I did enjoy the film, it was just dead in the water from the very beginning.

Allen hasn't gone completely in the shitter like say Metallica, but he's not helping his legacy by steadily cranking out these lifeless snoozers.

According to Box Office Mojo the budget for this film was $22 million!!! I cannot even fathom why this movie would cost that. The majority of that must have been spent on the actors, cause it's definitely not up on the screen.

MATINEE (1993)

Set in Key West, FL during the Cuban Missile Crisis (1962), the main character is a boy who loves watching monster movies at the local theater. Right at the height of the Crisis a new movie opens, MANT! It's about a radioactive accident that turns a guy into a half-man/half-ant creature. Even better yet is the director of the film (John Goodman channeling William Castle) is appearing in person and he's rigged the theater full of surprises like electric shock seats, giant speakers, air cannons shooting shit all over the joint and a guy in a ant suit running around scaring kids!

Beyond the storyline of the movie premiere is some coming of age stuff that I really enjoyed, like him getting a girlfriend; the theater owner's bomb shelter; bomb drills at school and his best friend dating a chick with a crazy ex-boyfriend who likes to yell out bad poetry while attacking people.

MATINEE director Joe Dante made a few of my favorite films like GREMLINS and ROCK N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, but after MATINEE in 1993 he really hasn't made anything notable. Sad. It's strange how people in the film industry can just disappear. Maybe he should make a GREMLINS 3.

I wasn't alive back in the early 1960's, but I love the romanticized idea of a simpler era where people were innocent...yes, I know that it's a complete lie made up by Hollywood, but still it's a pleasant thing to dream about. If you like the idea also or you just like a good movie then you should check out MATINEE...and if you're feeling extra frisky then you should also read Robert McCammon's "Boy's Life".