HAIL, CAESAR! (2016)

Around a hour or so into HAIL, CAESAR! I thought to myself "What the hell is this movie?"  IMDb lists it as a "Comedy, Mystery", but there's nothing worth more than a smile throughout the entire thing and I have no idea what the mystery portion could have be.  Yeah, there's a kidnapping but we know who the kidnappers are right from the beginning!

Whatever.  Set in the early 1950's, HAIL, CAESAR! is the story of a Hollywood studio big wig (Josh Brolin) who spends all of his time taking care of production needs and keeping the various studio stars in line.  One day something big comes up when the main actor (George Clooney) in the studio's most expensive film disappears off the set.  Is he on a bender?  Shacked up with a dame?  Or maybe even kidnapped by Communists?  69'ing in the woods with a mountain lion?  Brolin has to get his star back while at the same time taking care of various other problems (pregnant single actress, miscast actor, a tempting job offer, etc), it's all very...blah.

I love classic Hollywood and I was excited to see a modern day film set back in 1950's Hollywood, but HAIL, CAESAR! is a dud.  It looks nice, but the story was all over the place with no true center or even likeable characters.  I kept waiting and waiting for something to develop, then I realized that the movie is already 3/4's done and it's still just flailing around like a boat lost in a storm.

With so much talent (both in front and behind the camera) I was expecting a delightful throwback mystery-comedy, kinda like the wonderful THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION, but that didn't happen.  Instead HAIL, CAESAR! simply putters along and leaves more questions than it answers.  On the bright side I really enjoyed the performances of Alden Ehrenreich and Veronica Osorio.  They were both great. Also, the lighting was nice.

Is that a white SUV off to the right?

BURN AFTER READING (2008)

BURN AFTER READING is a nice little self-contained story about a bunch of dueling idiots.

Longtime CIA analyst John Malkovich has just been fired because of his drinking problem.  To combat his boredom and in hopes of getting a book deal he starts writing his memoirs about his career.  When a CD holding his manuscript and financial data ends up in a local gym locker room (thanks to Malkovich's wife's divorce lawyer's secretary) it ends up in the hands of two personal trainers, Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand, who think that they can blackmail Malkovich into paying for it's safe return.  Other equally selfish and idiotic characters included in this mess are: gym manager Richard Jenkins who's in love with McDormand despite that fact that she's a moron; Malkovich's wife who's having an affair with the sex-crazed George Clooney and two CIA higher ups who observe the whole thing from CIA headquarters.

Some viewers might be troubled by the lack of plot and likeable characters, but I think that might be the entire point of the film.  Even if it wasn't I enjoyed it and would gladly watch it again.  Extra bonus points for George Clooney's dildo machine...I think I just came up with a great name for my new punk band!

Recommended.