THE OTHER GUYS (2010)

As punishment for being a dumbass, hot-headed NYPD detective Mark Wahlberg is teamed up with nerd cop Will Ferrell. Stuff happens, including a lot of filler that doesn't move the story forward, and eventually Wahlberg and Ferrell are on the case of a serial killer! Nope. A gang of hoods planning to rob a horse track?! Nope. How about a bunch of horny hobos who like to have illegal orgies in parked Priuses? That’s actually talked about, but nope they’re on the trail of a guy trying to steal some money over a computer transaction. Wow. How exciting.

As a comedy, I’d say that THE OTHER GUYS hits about 30% of the time. And hits really hard with some hilarious bits, but then the other 70% is just…nothing. It’s really odd. Uneven pacing, absolutely pointless narration that adds nothing to the film, lots of familiar faces in smaller roles, multiple scenes that could have been cut or removed completely, average acting, zero characters you'd ever want to meet in real life.

The “Dirty Mike and the Boys” stuff was really funny and should have been the main focus of the film. But it wasn’t and I could never see myself ever wanting to watch this movie ever again.

PAIN & GAIN (2013)

Very loosely based on actual events that happened back in mid-90's Miami, PAIN & GAIN tells the story of three addle-minded bodybuilders (of which only one actually has a ripped body) who come up with an absurd plan to kidnap a local businessman and torture him until he signs over all of his wealth.  That part works, kinda, but since all three of these idiots are morons they quickly blow through all of the money on women, coke and material bullshit.

How much you like PAIN & GAIN will depend a lot on your sense of humor.  If you're a card carrying member of the No Fun Club then you'll probably dislike it, but if you're open-minded and look at it like it's a really dark comedy then I think you'll get a kick out it.  It's flashy, crude, violent and a fun watch.  My biggest surprise came from how much I enjoyed Dwayne Johnson.  Dude plays a Jesus lover, but once he gets his hands on a pile of cash his true colors come out and he's coked to the gills and drowning in pussy!  His performance stole the whole movie.

And yes I know it's not even close to being historically accurate, but I don't give a fuck.  It's Michael fucking Bay.  The same guy who shit, pissed, vomited, farted, jizzed and rubbed his boogers all over the FRIDAY THE 13TH, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE franchises for a quick buck, so what do you expect?

Super quick pace, ton of laughs, Dexter's apartment, Bar Paly looking hot as fook, The Rock looking big as fuck, Marky Mark looking all swole, lots of bright colors.  Check it out.