Monday, February 27, 2023


Not to be confused with The Human Centipede from Outer Space, THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE is the mildly delightful tale of an alien, Jake, who is forced to land on Earth to repair his space ship.  Jake is just a normal cat, except that he's very smart and has a highly advanced collar that pretty much gives him god-like powers.  It can freeze people in place, make objects fly or speed up or slow down and all kinds of other stuff.  It can also make his voice appear inside your head as a way of communication.  Anyway, Jake's small space ship is taken by the military, so Jake needs human help to assist him in getting the large quantity of gold needed to repair his craft.  He enlists the help of some local scientists who take to rigging (with the help of Jake's powerful collar) sporting events and gambling on the results.  No word on the thousands of gamblers whose lives were probably destroyed by the insane results of these events.

In a weird way THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE reminds me of THE MILLION DOLLAR DUCK.  Cute critter with a special ability is hunted by the government and needs the help of a small group of well-meaning humans that include Sandy Duncan.  And that's not a bad thing because I like THE MILLION DOLLAR DUCK alright.

Medium pace, super cute cat (or cats?) as Jake, impressive cat "acting", cast full of well-known old Hollywood faces, Roddy McDowall as a bad guy, lifeless direction, very impressive aircraft stunts that looked dangerous as fuck, tons of plot holes, goofy humor mainly directed at children, zero tits, zero gore, dumb ending.  Modern audiences would probably find TCFOS to be a boring turd, but it does have a certain innocent charm to it.  I'd watch it again and I would totally 100% love to see a remake!

Wednesday, February 15, 2023


Four beautiful people and Oliver Platt decide to explore the mysteries of death (and the possibility of an afterlife) by committing temporary suicide in a construction site.  Things go about as well as you would expect.  That's right, a ghost tells Kevin Bacon that his breath smells like "buffalo farts".

For a late 1980's / early 1990's studio thriller, FLATLINERS is alright.  I guess.  The story is worthless, but the big name cast makes it an interesting cinematic novelty.  There's also a lot of big hair and brown clothing.  Slow pace, dramatic movie lighting overload, lots of wind blowing around (even inside buildings), the world's most useless window shades, lame ending that leaves the viewer completely unsatisfied, a Cure poster, really boring ghosts, really boring story, a few split second glimpses of nudity, really boring characters that don't seem like actual humans just characters in a movie. The ghost of an injured dog. I didn't care for that at all.

If you're looking for a movie that fits the definition of 5/10, then FLATLINERS would be a good choice.  The movie you create in your head when initially hear the brief synopsis "Five medical students try to discover what is beyond death by creating near-death experiences." is way more exciting than what actually happens onscreen.  Honestly, probably 6.66 days after you watch FLATLINERS you won't even remember that you watched it.  Innocent (and loin-meltingly handsome) movie critic accidentally creates a near-coma experience by watching FLATLINERS.  Amirite?

Oh well. Watch it if you want. I don't give a fuck. If you need me, I'll be in a my room watching FINAL DESTINATION 2.

Remake - Flatliners (2017)