Showing posts with label 2020's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2020's. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

HOLY SPIDER (2022)

"I did it all for God."

There is a serial killer, the “Spider Killer”, stalking the low-level prostitutes of Mashhad, Iran.  The police have little interest in finding the killer since all of his victims are considered to be unclean women and therefore looked upon as being less than human.  In fact, what the Spider Killer is doing is seen by the general population as a positive thing.  Enter female journalist Arezoo Rahimi who appears to be the luckiest news reporter in history because upon arriving Mashhad she, in a matter of days, somehow, in a city of over three and a half million people, locates this self-righteous lunatic.

HOLY SPIDER is an alright film.  The acting is above average, but the entire thing is just too light-weight and weak.  The story idea of a serial killer having free reign to do as he pleases in a large city that is being crushed down and oppressed by the religious government is fascinating and terrifying, but the film that ends up on the screen fails to relay any of that horror or conflict.  I wanted to see more of the inner workings of the city leaders who publicly act like they care, but secretly support the murderer cleansing their streets of women who dare to walk “on the streets of this holy city, chewing gum” and “wearing short coats”.  Instead, we get various random scenes of the monster hanging out with his family and friends who love him despite the fact that he has the personality of an iceberg.

HOLY SPIDER is a good film that creates a lot of food for thought, but it could have been much better.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

AMITYVILLE IN SPACE (2022)

Fucking awful.  A priest confronts Satan at the Amityville house, which then, for some reason, blasts off into outer space.  Fast-forward to the year 3015 and a spaceship that is cruising around looking for “rogue black holes in space” comes across the Amityville Mojo Dojo Casa House still fully intact just leisurely floating around.  Three crew members board the mysterious house and find the priest alive and well.  Shit happens and I got more and more depressed that I was watching this Satanic bowel movement.

Slow pace, zero nudity, zero gore, zero blood, non-acting that bordered on people just reciting lines, beyond shit special effects, shit sets, the voice of the evil character so garbled that I could barely understand anything he said, zero cheerleaders, zero ninjas, a house supposedly floating in deep space in the year 3015 but you can see cars driving by outside the window, horrid lighting, disappointing ending, crap story.

Honestly, outside of making fun of this with your friends, there is no reason that you should watch this turd.  AMITYVILLE IN SPACE is not the worst thing ever made, but there are so many better things you can do with your time.

Skip it with a vengeance and never look back.

Saturday, August 26, 2023

DEADSTREAM (2022)

Streamer dork Shawn Ruddy runs a YouTube channel were he does self-destructive and suicidal shit like throwing a donut at some cops, freezing himself to death and…watching two Will Smith movies back-to-back. Just kidding.  Nobody is that suicidal!  Shawn’s viewership has dipped lately, so he pulls out the big guns and announces that he’s going to spend the night in a haunted house. That might sound totally lame, but DEADSTREAM won me over by being original, engaging and full of entertaining twists. Yeah, the overall premise is most likely based on THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, but DEADSTREAM easily surpassed that overrated turkey within the first 30 minutes.

Lightning-fast pace, outstanding acting by the small cast, impressive script that takes the ancient haunted house story idea and turns it into something fun and original, awesome camerawork and special effects, numerous small little tidbits that rewards the viewer for paying attention.

I could ramble on about DEADSTREAM for a long time, but nobody gives a fuck about what I think, so just do yourself a favor instead and check it out. It might even make a great double-feature with WITCHING AND BITCHING.