SMILE 2 (2024)

Voss Water presents Damn, This Motherfucker Is Trippin’! a.k.a. Smile 2.

[This is simply a placeholder until I can get my hands on a physical copy for a real review with screenshots. But yeah, I enjoyed S2. It’s definitely better than the first film. Although, the double jump scares did get old. If I can find inspiration between now and then to write a legit review, then I will. But I’ll probably just wait until I can watch it again at home and take notes.]

Part 1 - Smile (2022)

LEFT BEHIND: RISE OF THE ANTICHRIST (2023)

I love Jesus as much as the next motherfucker, but goddamn, I wish my fellow Christians would at least try to learn some storytelling / moviemaking skills. Right from the opening credits, things look bleak (or promising if you’re a fan of bad movies) when a condescending narrator and a smug news reporter both start talking separately (while stock footage plays) about something called “The Vanishing” where “tens of millions” of humans simply disappeared without a trace. We’re then introduced to a tech billionaire (Neal McDonough) who seems to be up to some sinister shenanigans and a sad Vanishing widower (Kevin Sorbo) standing in a closet smelling his disappeared wife’s clothing and moping around the house like a loser. Then, much to my horror (glee), we’re reintroduced to the newscaster guy who I thought was a bit player but is actually the main character! Oh, the horror, the horror. It’s awesome! Anyway, the news reporter guy is investigating a rising political figure who might actually be the Antichrist. And...I guess that's it. The extent of the entire movie.  Oh yeah, the newscaster is dating Sorbo's character's daughter.  What a small world.

I wanted to enjoy this movie (I absolutely love the idea of The Rapture) but LEFT BEHIND: RISE OF THE ANTICHRIST was a huge disappointment.  I was really hoping for some hardcore psychotic Christian drama, but nope.  It's just too weak and uninspired to be enjoyable. The story is a mess and never goes anywhere, but even worse is the look of the film. I don’t know what you call the bland look of this movie, but honestly, it was fucking offensive. It felt like everything had been drained of its life and humanity. Colin Robinson from What We Do in the Shadows couldn’t even make something this dull and lifeless!

Good acting by the three main professional actors (Neal McDonough, Corbin Bernsen and Bailey Chase), offensively soulless cinematography, bland sets, dead script filled with dead dialogue, zero tension, zero nudity, not even one song by the band Throat Piss, disappointing ending, one scene with a Jesusvision effect that was kind of neat, a guy noticing a car bomb and instead of running away just stands there screaming (I went back and timed it, he had 5 seconds to get away), some innocent grave robbing for Christ, simplistic script about a worldwide event but only focuses on a few people, some innocent littering for Christ, not enough preaching, not enough stuff about the antichrist, multiple scenes where the cameraperson was visible, a couple of salvation scenes that were very subdued and disappointing, drab colours, boring music, illegally flying a small aircraft over downtown New York City with no issue at all.

Overall, LEFT BEHIND: RISE OF THE ANTICHRIST is worth watching if you enjoy cheesy cinema, but if you're looking for a serious film then skip it.

Original series
Left Behind: The Movie (2000)
Left Behind II: Tribulation Force (2002)
Left Behind: World at War (2005)

Reboot
Left Behind (2014)

Spin-off
Vanished - Left Behind: Next Generation (2016)

THE SADNESS (2021)

Taipei, Taiwan. Not a lot of story up in this one. A dude drops his girlfriend off at the train station (so she can go to work) and while he’s heading back home…a full on zombie apocalypse happens. And not with the older style shuffling zombies either, but the mean-spirited, Brian Keene-style rape zombies that want nothing more than to cut you open and fuck your bleeding wounds. So now, the rest of the movie is our two heroes trying to get back to each other while getting the shit kicked out of them each step of the way. Which, oddly enough, is pretty much the same story as the 2016 zombie outbreak movie SEOUL STATION.

I enjoyed THE SADNESS, but it just wasn’t violent enough and the story / character development / world building was almost non-existent. I wanted to like the two main characters, but with almost no information given about them, I didn’t give much of a shit about what happened to them. Especially since both of them made some dumb decisions and the ending was telegraphed midway through the film. That said, it’s still worth watching and has a few awesome moments (the subway car bloodbath and the old lady in the cafe were my favorites). I just wanted more! Hopefully there's a Part 2 and it will go completely insane.

Here's some zombie nudity for you weirdos.

How considerate of the zombies to use a bendy baseball bat.