VALENTINE (2001)

From the director of URBAN LEGEND comes the safe story of some young ladies who were mean to a nerd at a middle school Valentine's Day dance and now (thirteen years later) one of the girls is murdered by a nerd in a cherub mask.  After that, all of the remaining girls get Valentine cards and then get picked off one by one in mildly imaginative ways until the big Valentine's Day party at the end.

Light blood, zero gore, zero nudity, very little cussing, zero mystery as to who the killer was, zero scares, unfunny attempts at humor, somebody referring to David Boreanaz as "not an angel".  On paper it sounds bad, but it wasn't actually that horrible.  Just a little bit horrible.  Never once did anything original happen, but at the same time I was mildly entertained.  Worth a watch for very non-demanding and very bored horror fans. 

IMDb says the budget was $29M, but that's gotta be incorrect cause there damn sure ain't $29 million on the screen!  I'd be shocked if the budget was over $10M.

DROP DEAD GORGEOUS (1999)

If you enjoy fake documentaries, then you need to watch DROP DEAD GORGEOUS.  DDG is a very funny 90's fake documentary about a teenage beauty pageant in the small Jesus-lovin' town of Mount Rose, Minnesota.  The film crew is there to follow some of the participants and organizers of the pageant, but they get more than they bargained for when some of the people involved start ending up dead or seriously injured in bizarre accidents.  As serious as that sounds, it all comes off light-hearted thanks to the clever writing and the excellent acting by a cast that clearly gets what the filmmakers were going for.

Murder, half-melted hand fused into a beer can, tap dancing, SOYLENT GREEN humor, dead bodies, a young Amy Adams looking hot as Hell, incorrect subtitles on the DVD, tons of quotable lines, explosions, a "polyester meteor", vomiting, singing.  DDG is a lot of fun...till the end when it kinds drops off for some reason, but still, even at only 85% funny it's a great film and definitely worth a watch for fans of stuff like "Reno 911" and A MIGHTY WIND.