LOVE ACTUALLY (2003)

Divided up into numerous smaller stories, LOVE ACTUALLY insults any human who possesses empathy and/or an IQ above room temperature with multiple vomitous, I mean, romantic tales about love.  For example: a woman is recently married and then when she discovers that her husband’s best friend likes her, she cheats on her husband with the best friend.  How romantic!  In another story, a husband is cheating on his wife and only after his heartbroken wife confronts him about it does he admit that he is a fool.  Too late now motherfucker!  In yet another heartstring tugger, a man catches his wife and his brother fucking, so he rebounds by seducing his non-English speaking housekeeper.  Wow.  That’s lovely.

The cast is very impressive and the acting is fine, but this movie can go straight fuck itself.  I hate the way it’s filmed, the musical cues for the intellectually stunted are insulting and the overall message is absolute rubbish.  If your marketing campaign is about how the movie is super romantic, then maybe have the film feature characters who are emotionally evolved enough to actually be honest with each other.  I’d rather be alone forever than get tricked into a relationship with a dishonest, soulless, weak-minded, chickenshit cheating sack of shit. Go feed yourself more lies.

Years ago I had the supreme misfortune to meet one subhuman in particular who thought this movie was actually romantic. She ended up having the personality of a war criminal and the morals of a tomcat who enjoys raping kittens to death, so maybe LOVE ACTUALLY is a good test to see if a person is a vile inhuman piece of shit or not.

A SINGLE MAN (2009)

Colin Firth plays a man, George Falconer, who is deep in depression (and maybe even shock) in the months following the sudden death of his companion Jim. The film opens as George awakens out of a dream about Jim. Ahh shit. Another miserable day but today is not going to be like all of the other black days since Jim's death. No, today is going to be the very last day ever that George has to fake his way through this torture. His plan is to spend the day getting all of his final arrangements in order and then in the evening blow his fucking brains out along with all the misery and loneliness that infests it...but sometimes life has plans that differ from yours.

I haven't read the book so I'm sure some of the more subtle nuances of the story have been lost in the translation from paper to screen, even so I still enjoyed A SINGLE MAN and found it touching and thought provoking. First time director Tom Ford does a good job. I think the delicate story is better suited for somebody with more experience (Ang Lee maybe?), but Tom does a adequate job and even though I disliked the way the movie was shot there are a few moments that really shine. The liquor store parking lot scene is one I have in mind. The ever so slight expressions on Colin's face during that scene are a pleasure to behold.

A SINGLE MAN by no means a masterpiece, but it's a very nice, thoughtful film and Colin's performance alone is worth the price of admission.