THE FIRM (1993)

Law student Tom Cruise is a big ol’ dummy.  He might be smart enough to graduate from Harvard Law School, but he must have just got off last night’s bus from Stupidsville when he decided to take a job at an evil law firm populated by “all white, all male, all married” nerds who look like they just stepped out of THE STEPFORD WIVES.  Things go peachy for a few days, but then before you can say “I wish a hyped-up black church choir would cover Boston’s ‘Let Me Take You Home Tonight’.” ol’ Tommy Cruise is running super fast all over the joint, sweatin’ up a storm, with none other than a long-haired, albino Jigsaw economically jogging behind him with a surprisingly smooth gait.

I’m by no means an expert (on anything) on legal thrillers from the 1990’s, but THE FIRM seemed fine to me.  The 154-minute runtime passed by quickly enough and I was entertained from beginning to end.  Also, the cast was very impressive!  If I had to make some complaints, it would be that the evil law firm wasn’t evil enough.  Also, the Memphis setting was dull and unattractive to look at.  And that piano-heavy soundtrack!  Oh my god, I love the piano, but that was too goddamn much!

Overall, THE FIRM is too safe for its own good, but still watchable thanks to an outstanding cast.

EYE OF THE TIGER (1986)

Action-superstar Gary Busey has just been released from prison, but when he returns to his small hometown he discovers that it's been taken over by a bunch of dirt bike riding drug runners lead by some dude with a stubby little mohawk that only covers the back of his head.  Weirdo.  Busey don't take too kindly to these helmeted thugs, especially after they kill his wife, so he jumps in his giant truck that's armed with self-loading mortars and self-loading machine guns and goes out to kick ass...along the way he also rapes a dude while dressed as a doctor.  Well, I didn't see that coming!

When I sat down to watch EYE OF THE TIGER I was hoping that the action was going be over the top crazy, but it wasn't.  Instead, it's not even as good as old episodes of "The A-Team".  Zero nudity, ridiculous story and we never get to see any awesome hand-to-hand fighting scenes.  There was one fight towards the end, but it's weak.

Overall, the whole thing is silly, lightweight and forgettable.  For Gary Busey fans only...if there is such a thing.