JOHNNY MNEMONIC (1995)

I've heard some pretty negative things about this film over the years.  That's probably why it's taken me 20 years finally watch it.  So...were all of those negative comments accurate?  Yeah, pretty much.

Set in the year 2021, Johnny is a data courier who stores data in his 80 gigabit hard drive enhanced brain. On the way to meet a customer in Beijing, he uses a "doubler" to increase his capacity to 160GB. Unfortunately, the package is 320GB so Keanu concentrates really hard and crams that 320GB into the 160GB hard drive.  As a result the data starts "seaping" into his brain and causing him to react violently to bright lights...just like a Mogwai.  Even worse, is right after he downloads the package a group of hitmen bust in and start killing everybody (one of the killers uses a thumb laser lasso!).  Johnny escapes and now the gangsters are after him.  The only person that can save him is a cyborg dolphin in New Jersey. Of course.

I was hoping that JOHNNY MNEMONIC would surprise me and be actually good or maybe silly to the point of being funny.  Sadly though, it's so bland that it's difficult to have much of an opinion about it one way or the other.  The story comes off more confusing than it actually is, the future looks like shit, the CGI is ridiculous, zero nudity, TV show level action scenes, Henry Rollins as a doctor, an "eye phone", Keanu Reeves acting like he just saw the lines for the first time 30 seconds before they yelled "Action".

Good for a few chuckles, but honestly, outside of morbid curiosity or campy train wreck thrills I can't think of much reason to waste your time watching this movie.

BATTLE ROYALE II (2003)

This movie is ridiculous. A new group of students are kidnapped and forced to fight to the death, but this time they're given military weaponry, some small boats and told to invade (D-Day style) an island and kill the leader of a group of terrorists (Tatsuya Fujiwara from Part 1). That might sound cool, but it's terrible. The introduction alone takes 26 minutes, then when we finally get to some action (a beach invasion) it's filmed in that weird shutter speed thing they did in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. It gets real annoying real quick.

Eventually, they make their way to the terrorists compound and they talk and talk and talk forever. At well over 2 hours, this movie was torture. I can't think of any reason to ever watch it. Except maybe to giggle at Riki Takeuchi's insane overacting. His facial expressions are always the best.

Skip it.

Part 1 - Battle Royale (2000)