FANTASY ISLAND (2020)

I dislike this movie. Not because it's a bad movie (I can deal with that), but because it had the impressive idea of turning the Fantasy Island story into a horror movie and then…did absolutely nothing with it! A talented group of writers could run with this idea forever. There’s no end to the insane things that could go on: zombies, wokalars, zombie wokalars, cannibals, millions of bizarre kink fetishes, Buffy the Vampire Slayer in The Walking Dead universe, Jack the Ripper versus Midsomer Murders on the Titanic, dogs and cats living together, Saw versus Fast and Furious, Chucky at the Gettysburg Address…it could go on for eternity!! So, with trillions of awesome story ideas at their disposal, what did the filmmakers choose as their introductory story to really grab the audience’s attention and get this sucker to be the start of a multi-billion dollar horror franchise?! I bet it’s gonna be zombies attacking a nudist colony next to a chainsaw factory! I’m so excited!!!

Oh. It’s just your standard, zero imagination, soulless bullshit about an annoying group of ultra-douchers who show up to a tropical island resort with some lame ass fantasies.  Then the unremarkable guy who runs the island does some kind of weakass Wishmaster shenanigans and twists their already boring fantasies into, I guess, a horror fantasy or something.  I don't know.  This entire movie is a fucking mess.  I don't even think it can even be correctly categorized as "horror".

Zero nudity, zero scares, crap direction, a beautiful island setting somehow presented in the blandest way possible, very little blood or violence, a convoluted story that I wanted to drop a krampus on, lifeless acting by a forgettable cast (Michael Rooker had a small part, but was wasted), dead pacing because nothing ever happened the entire movie. Honestly, I cannot even think of a single reason to waste your time on this stinker. You'll lie on your death bed and regret it. Skip it.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014)

In 1988, a young Earthling, Peter Quill, is kidnapped by aliens.  Twenty-six years later, Peter, is grown up and dancing across a weird-looking alien planet while listening to his ancient Walkman.  He's grown up to be a bizarre mixture of Marty McFly, Indiana Jones, Han Solo and whatever the hell Kevin Bacon's name was in FOOTLOOSE.  After getting his boogie on, he finds what he's looking for: a metal orb that looks like a larger version of Rosemary's necklace in ROSEMARY'S BABY.  Stuff happens and it ends up that an evil dude (who looks likes what would happen if the bad guy from THE KEEP joined a black metal glam band) wants the orb in order to use it as a weapon to kill everybody.  Later on, Peter crosses paths with some other folks and they end up becoming friends.  Awww.

I've only seen a handful of these Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) films, so I can't really tell you if it's good or not from a comic book fan perspective, but from an entertainment perspective...I liked it.  Quick pace, impressive special effects, good acting, intriguing characters, zero tension.  I would totally watch it again.

The Infinity Saga

Phase One
Part 1 - Iron Man (2008)
Part 2 - The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Part 3 - Iron Man 2 (2010)
Part 4 - Thor (2011)
Part 5 - Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Part 6 - Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

Phase Two
Part 7 - Iron Man 3 (2013)
Part 8 - Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Part 9 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Part 11 - Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Part 12 - Ant-Man (2015)

Phase Three
Part 13 - Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Part 14 - Doctor Strange (2016)
Part 15 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Part 16 - Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Part 17 - Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Part 18 - Black Panther (2018)
Part 19 - Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Part 20 - Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Part 21 - Captain Marvel (2019)
Part 22 - Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Part 23 - Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

Phase Four
Part 24 - Black Widow (2021)
Part 25 - Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
Part 26 - Eternals (2021)
Part 27 - Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Part 28 - Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Part 29 - Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Part 30 - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Phase Five
Part 31 - Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
Part 32 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Part 33 - The Marvels (2023)