Tuesday, May 3, 2016


The best thing about WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS is that title. I mean, think about it for a moment. WEREWOLVES...ON WHEELS!  Holy fook!  Just the idea of of a werewolf motorcycle gang brings up all kinds of cool images like a werewolf motorcycle gang having an all out drug war against a rival gang of inbred hillbillies that drive around in moonshine-fueled, custom-made rat rods; a crooked Deep South sheriff and his meth-sniffing mule; an evil swamp witch who creates a demon-possessed assassin pothole that can freely move around paved roads and wreck cars; a wedding reception at a Waffle House were a kangaroo assassin punches a guy to death in the restroom while he's pissing (punches him so hard that his teeth stick in the wall); a young werewolf who is suppose to marry the daughter of the leader of the inbred gang but the wedding is called off when the motorcycle werewolves accidentally run the inbred godfather off the road and caused him to "grease" his britches; demon possessed scarecrow assassins and so on.  Instead...

We get is a small (15 - 20) gang of unwashed bikers who enjoy hugging way too much. They pull over for a cuddle puddle in a wooded area only to find that the property belongs to a murderous cult of Satan worshipers.  Don't you hate when that happens?!  Next thing you know, one of the female "mamas" is drugged and dancing naked on the Satanic altar, the bikers rescue her and ride off.  Then slowly over the next hour it's revealed that two of the bikers are now werewolves.  Say what?  They kill other members during the night.  Eventually the two werewolves are revealed and after like 2 or 3 minutes of badly shot screentime, they're killed.

It's all very uneventful, but strangely enough (I think it might have been due to the fuzzed out music), I actually kinda enjoyed the film!  Satanic imagery, a small amount of nudity, very little violence, only like 10 seconds of one werewolf riding a motorcycle, below average pace that somehow managed to keep my attention, no title card, chanting monks.

Only worth a watch for the curious.  The very curious.
The clearest shot in the entire move of an actual werewolf on wheels.