NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)

"Merry Christmas. Shitter was full."

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION is probably the greatest Christmas movie of all time (despite the fact the story ends on Christmas Eve).

This year, instead of driving all over the place, the Griswolds decide to stay at home for the holidays, so, of course, that means plenty of eggnog, multiple uninvited guests, pissed off neighbors, a kidnapping, 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights and dozens of fantastic quotable lines.  I've seen NLCV so many times, I can probably quote the whole movie.

Clark Griswold is at his best when he's stressed out and in this film he's definitely stressed out!  Worried about his Christmas bonus and overwhelmed with troublesome relatives, Clark is about to lose his mind, so it's probably not the greatest idea of all time to single-handedly cover his house in 250 strands of lights...but he does it anyway and the rest is movie history.

Quick pace, a re-watchability rating that's off the scale, a squirrel...excuse me, I mean "SQUIRREL!", tree sap, nippley weather, perfect acting by a truly impressive cast, a dog with a sinus condition, a gigantic Christmas tree, tons of laughs, a FRIDAY THE 13TH reference, yuppie neighbors and some asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION is mandatory viewing.  I even have it saved on my phone so I can have it with me everywhere I go.

Part 1 - National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)
Part 2 - National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)
Part 4 - Vegas Vacation (1997)
Part 5 - Vacation (2015)

THE SWITCH (2010)

Jennifer Aniston feels her biological clock ticking, so she decides to put some jizz in a turkey baster and cram it up her twat (I think that was the original tagline for the poster). Problem is, whose sperm is she going to choose? Secretly (maybe even to herself?), she wants to hook up with her best friend, Jason Bateman, but for whatever reason that's just never happened. So she ends up picking some handsome athletic beau hunk, but then at the "insemination party" Jason gets so shitfaced drunk that he accidentally replaces the jizz in the bottle with his own spooge.  Now that's fuckin' drunk!  Soon after, she gets pregnant and Jennifer conveniently moves out of the state for seven years then returns with a little, bitty version of Jason, except nobody knows it. To compound matters even more Jennifer starts a relationship with the dude who donated the sperm.

THE SWITCH could have gone on the crude-comedy-with-a heart-of-gold route like THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY, but instead it goes the safe route.  The baster scene is nonexistent, the relationship between Jason and Jennifer is never really strained, the relationship between Jennifer and the sperm donor dude is never that strong, the sperm donor dude is too nice and never dis-likeable...everything is just too perfect.

I enjoyed the movie, but didn't grab me.  The script was too weak. It needed more stress and turmoil before the inevitable happy ending.