INSERTS (1974)

In 1930, a once great silent film director (Richard Dreyfuss) is down on his luck and reduced to filming pornos in his rundown Hollywood mansion. But he can't even do that right, because instead of just leaving the camera on the tripod (like the money man wants) Dreyfuss insists on moving the camera around to give it a more realistic feel. One morning while filming an especially energetic rape scene, the money man (Bob Hoskins) shows up unexpectedly with his new girl (Jessica Harper). Stuff happens and Harper is left alone with Dreyfuss...it's quite an eventfully day.

Before sitting down to watch INSERTS I had never even heard of this film, but it ended up being quite enjoyable and somewhat shocking for the sheer amount of nudity in it. Jessica Harper is pretty much topless in entire second half of the film! Not that I'm complaining, but I do want to complain a little bit about the complete lack of Extras on the DVD. It would've been nice to at least have an audio commentary, because now that I've seen the film I have a lot of questions about it including: What was the budget? Did it make any money? What exactly did United Artists expect from a film that takes place entirely in one room and consists of pretty much nothing but talking? How did this film even get made? Maybe because of the popularity of LAST TANGO IN PARIS? If it was filmed in 1974 why was it not released until 1976 and did it have anything to do with the popularity of JAWS? Was this story based in reality at all? Was the guy the "big cheese" they spoke of F. W. Murnau? What do the actors involved with the movie think of it now and how has it affected their career?

Should you watch INSERTS? I guess that really depends on your taste in films, but I recommend it. The story is interesting; it's cleverly written to lean towards the style of 1930's romantic comedies; all of the performances are excellent; a young Bob Hoskins; a young Veronica Cartwright; you get to see Richard Dreyfuss licking nipples and also because it's such a curious little film. I honestly can't think of anything else like it.

Is this the first occurrence of the word "cunt" in a big studio movie?

Is this the first occurrence of the word "boner-rama" in a big studio movie?

NIGHTMARES (1983)

[Update 09/06/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Most likely trying to cash in on the popularity of CREEPSHOW, NIGHTMARES showcases four completely lame supernatural horror short stories...

1. "Terror in Topanga" Nope, it's not a horror story about the chick from "Boy Meets World" being reduced to pornography then has a evil elf set up shop in her vagina. Instead, it's about a woman going to a store late at night for a carton of cigarettes while there's a serial killer on the loose. Weak. Zero gore, zero tension, zero tits, very little blood. Complete boredom.

2. "Bishop of Battle" Nope, it's not a horror story about a the workers of a chainsaw factory called Bishop Chainsaw getting into a massive fight with zombies. Instead it's the extremely weak story about a dude who listens to Black Flag who gets into a fight with a video game and eventually sucked into the game itself. Silly. Zero blood, zero gore, zero tits, zero reason to give a fuck.

3. "The Benediction" Nope, it's not a gore soaked horror story about a gay priest/serial killer stalking the area around a early 1980's NYC gay bar called "The Benediction". Instead, we have Lance Henriksen completely wasted as a priest tormented on a desert road by a truck driven by a demon. Sounds cool, but it ain't. Not even close. I was so bored I wanted to slam my dick in a car door of an orange 1986 Ford Escort.

4. "Night of the Rat" Nope, it's not a pitch black horror-noir set in the early 1940's about a innocent grocery store worker in Berlin who is mistakenly fingered to be a rat by a local mafia that has strong ties to the SS. Instead, we get a family that hears strange noises at night and it ends up being a giant rat. What a surprise. Zero tension. Completely ridiculous.

Not only were all the stories weak and instantly forgettable, but there was nothing tying them together. I don't know what the back story is on this movie is, but it looks like they just had a bunch of crap laying around so they slapped it together to get a feature film length running time and just released it. Fuck it, they thought, CREEPSHOW was popular, so we should get enough suckers to watch it to recoup the cost.