PENINSULA (2020)

Four years after the original zombie outbreak in TRAIN TO BUSAN, gangsters send an armed team of thieves into a zombie populated area of South Korea in order to steal a truck containing 20 million US duckets.  That sounds like a promising idea, but instead of a high-stakes heist film set in a gore-drenched world that looks like a gnarly death metal album cover...all we get is a slow-moving, zero imagination, snoozefest that probably features more screentime of people crying than it does of actual zombies.  Not that the zombies were worth a shit or even memorable.

Honestly, if you and I were talking in real life I could probably ramble on with you about this clunker for hours, but sitting here alone and all fucking depressed after watching this life-draining piece of shit, I just want to put the entire experience behind me and forget this movie even exists.  Skip it with a vengeance.  I wish I had.

Prequel - Seoul Station (2016)
Part 1 - Train to Busan (2016)

TRAIN TO BUSAN (2016)

Forty-five minutes of interesting, WORLD WAR Z-inspired zombie action and over an hour of predictable, emotional bullshit that I didn’t give one single zombie fart about.

Office worker Seo Seok-woo is separated from his wife. Their daughter, who lives with him, wants to visit her mother for her birthday, so Seo and his daughter take the…train to Busan!!! Before they leave, anybody with even an ounce of observational skills would notice that things are starting to get out of control, but no, not this guy. Example: while driving to the train station, Seo notices that a skyscraper is literally engulfed in flames, he calmly states “Looks like something's happening.” Wow…ya think?! Once on the train, despite a riot breaking out on the platform as they leave, Seo decides the best course of action is to take a nap. He wakes up with his daughter missing and a full on zombie death metal circle pit breaking out on the train.  That sounds cool, and it is...kinda, for a few minutes, but not really.

Hit or miss special effects, highly predictable story, twitchy zombies that look like they got ants in their pants, lots of people way too dumb to live, annoying kid, disjointed social commentary that distracted from the story, easily 30 minutes of talking that could have been cut (or better yet…replaced with zombie action!) mild blood, a cheerleader, zero gore, all of the zombies fully dressed, alternating fast / slow pacing, a lot of smartphone use, terrible musical score that didn't even match the events onscreen, zero interesting characters, zombie deer, stupid ending that made me want to dropkick my TV through the fucking wall.

Despite its many flaws, TRAIN TO BUSAN is still worth watching for zombie fans.  The action scenes themselves (while nothing new) are still fun. I also liked that the majority of the action took place in the daytime. I’d totally be down to watch a TV show based in this film’s world…as long as they replaced the sappy, slow-moving, emotional garbage with zombies ripping out necks. And more cheerleaders.

[Not really part of the review, but as an experiment, I went back and watched the majority of the film in 2x speed with the subtitles on and it was fine. I watched the action scenes at normal speed and the talking stuff in 2x and it was more enjoyable. Hell, if you were really pressed for time, you could start the film at 11:02 minutes in. Absolutely nothing in the scenes leading up to that was worth a fuck. And then, to save a fisthole in your TV, just skip the sappy ending completely.]

Prequel - Seoul Station (2016)
Part 2 - Peninsula (2020)

PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1959)

"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."

An elderly man, still mourning the recent passing of his late wife, is killed in a car accident.  Mourners leaving his funeral find the mutilated corpses of two graveyard workers.  The police are called and soon even more bodies start to pile up.  At the same time, two commercial airplane pilots report seeing an unidentified flying object, but the government covers it up.  These two events might not seem related, but they are!  You see, advanced extraterrestrials have been watching Earth for a very long time.  As we became more and more advanced.  Inventing the atom bomb, then the hydrogen bomb, but now...humans are on the verge of inventing the Solaranite bomb which will explode sunlight itself and, of course, the Universe!  The aliens have tried multiple times (I'm guessing 8?) to contact us, but The Man always covers it up, so they've moved on to Plan 9: zombies!

The most surprising thing that first time viewers will discover about PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is it's not that bad of a film!  It's honestly just low budget and rough around the edges.  The story itself is entertaining and funny, the pace is good and the acting...well, the acting is pretty stiff, but it's still enjoyable.  The lieutenant's pistol handling skills alone are worth the price of admission!   Yeah, the sets look cheap, but the stuff like the microphone shadows and edges of props being visible is because the film was shot for the 1.85:1 aspect ratio, but all of the home video releases (as of 4/2020) have been in 1.33:1.  So, the viewer ends up seeing things that were not meant to be seen.

As it is though, I still love P9FOS.  It's such a weird movie and it's 100% Ed Wood.  Nobody else in the Universe could have made PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE.  That should at least stand for something.  Ed only made a handful of good films, but goddamn, are they unique and charming.  And I think that is the best way to describe PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: charming.

Required viewing for fans of "bad movies".  

Not part of the review, but I would absolutely love to see a 100% serious retelling of Ed's original Plan 9 story idea.  I'm talking serious like ARRIVAL or something like that.  I honestly think, in the correct hands, this story could be straight up awesome!!!