VOICES (2007)

I wish there had been a voice telling me not to watch this movie.  But I did and all it is is you average style over substance Asian horror movie filled with: dark creepy stuff you can't really see, overly confusing plot that makes little sense, zero nudity, zero gore, lame flashbacks, a little bit of blood splattered about, zero nudity, zero authentic scares (just a bunch of loud jump scenes), a main girl that never really does anything to save herself and lots and lots of talking.

The story, I think, is about a vengeful spirit killing people and trying to get people to kill the main girl...I think, I could be completely wrong.  I don't really know and I don't even care.  All I know is there was a girl that everybody kept trying to kill her, but I never figured out why for sure.  Or maybe it was just her imagination.  Skip it and never look back.

TERROR EYES (1989)

That cover is fucking awesome!!! How the heck, I mean, fuck could you resist something like that?! Saturday afternoon I was walking through the video store, minding my own business, when I saw that cover and instantly filled my pants to overflowing with jizz and human shit. It was love at first sight and I had to have it. I bought it, rushed home to watch it and you know what? It was better than OK. And that's saying something cause I really expected it to be so goddamn horrible that I couldn't even watch the entire thing, but I watched it all and even enjoyed it for the story and of course I got some really good laughs out of it.

Right from the beginning, you know you're in for a treat, because it starts doing fucked up mind tricks and the actors were really excited, especially Daniel (RIVER'S EDGE, FINAL DESTINATION) Roebuck who is completely balls out the whole movie.  Another thing that makes this movie such a delight was it is without a doubt pure 80's cheese. The set decorations and the clothes were hypnotically bad, but in a good way.

The story is about this woman who's hired (by Satan no less!) to write a movie script for a horror movie.  So she goes camping with her friends and they each tell crazy stories including one that reminded me of SAW and another of GROUNDHOG DAY.  I'm not going to get into all of the stories, but there's a lot going on in this movie and I really enjoyed it. It's definitely worth the few bucks I paid for it.

Scan from an interview with Daniel Roebuck in "Psychotronic" #27.

MY FAVORITE WIFE (1940)

Cary Grant lost his wife (Irene Dunne) 7 years ago when she drown at sea during a shipwreck.  So now, Grant has decided to move on with his life.  He has Dunne legally declared dead and then marries Gail Patrick.  Even though she's not right for him.  Then suddenly, Dunne returns!  Ends up she was living on a deserted island for the entire 7 years...along with another shipwreck survivor: sexy Randolph Scott.  Yikes!

All kinds of hijinks ensue. Unfortunately, only about 5% of them are funny. I love everybody in this cast and it's very easy to see that the filmmakers were trying to cash in on the success of 1937's hilarious THE AWFUL TRUTH, but unfortunately the story goes that during pre-production writer/director  Leo McCarey (who helmed THE AWFUL TRUTH) was involved in a near fatal car accident and had to be replaced.  So now, you have a cast making a comedy while their good friend is at death's door.

For what it is, it's okay. There are a few moments that are enjoyable (the first time Grant sees Scott at the swimming pool), but other stuff (the dim-witted, slow-talking judge) are a drag to get through. Worth a watch for fans of classic Hollywood, but it definitely could have been a much better film.  I was also bothered by how the film seems to paint Gail Patrick's character as the bad guy when in reality she's heartbroken that the man she fell in love with (and married) doesn't love her back.  That was a bummer.