SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II (1987)

The little sister from the original SPM is now a teenager and even though she's haunted by nightmares of the attack, she lives a pretty normal high school life.  She also plays in an all-girl rock band. One weekend the girls have a slumber party and, of course, a couple of boys come over. You got the nerd, the stoner, the beau hunk and the leather pants wearing, drill guitar noodling, dancing, singing, air piano playing, greaser, driller killer psychopath! Whoa! Who invited him?!!!

The majority of the film is just the girls hanging out giggling and partying (the killer doesn't show up to stay until the 51 minute mark), but you won't be bored because SPM2 is so goddamn bizarre that you're probably just going to sit there in shock as your brain fizzles and starts dripping out your ear. In other words: It's awesome!

I don't know if I could watch it over and over again, but for an occasional viewing you can't go wrong with SPM2. It's 80's as fuck, the killer is one of the strangest ever, his weapon is a crazy-looking electric guitar with a drill sticking out the end, the actors look like they're having a blast, synchronized dancing, the one girl is gorgeous, the killer sings and dancing like a fucking idiot, girl-on-girl pillow fight and best of all: it's fun from beginning to end with no slow parts at all.

If you're looking for a serious horror film then go watch INSIDE, because SPM2 is weird as shit and proud of it...or maybe not. I don't know. Maybe they were trying to make a serious movie. If so, that makes it even better cause they failed miserably!

Part 1 - The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Part 3 - Slumber Party Massacre III (1990)

I'm no film historian, but I believe this is the first occurrence of a killer in a Slasher film ever playing the air piano.

I'm no film historian, but I believe this is the first occurrence of a killer in a Slasher film ever doing a butt spin.

I'm no film historian, but I believe this is the first occurrence of a killer in a Slasher film ever doing The Worm.

I'm no film historian, but I believe this is the first occurrence of a killer in a Slasher film ever doing the splits.

I'm no film historian, but I believe this is the first occurrence of a killer in a Slasher film ever sliding down a banister while flapping his arms.

I have never been that excited about anything...ever!

Heidi Kozak was drinking a Slice in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII also!

MANHATTAN (1979)

Forty-two year old comedy writer Isaac (Allen) is in a relationship with a beautiful 17-year-old high school student, that is until until he starts hooking up with his best friend's mistress. That's pretty much the entire film, but it's all somebody with the storytelling genius of Woody Allen needs to create a wonderful and involving film. When we first meet Isaac he's hanging out with his young lover and his best friend and his best friend's wife. The friend tells Isaac that he's secretly having an affair. As luck would have it, not too long afterwards Isaac runs into the friend and his mistress while at an art gallery. Isaac takes an instant disliking to her (she insulted Ingmar Bergman!!!!!), but underneath his hatred is the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat and it's only a matter of time before they're screwing so great. Screws so great? Screws so great.

MANHATTAN is an excellent film, but I guess it wasn't excellent enough for The Academy Awards that year because they didn't even nominate it for Best Picture! Then again the real Best Picture of 1979 (ALIEN) didn't get nominated either, so what the fuck do I know? I'm just some asshole who spends too much time and stays up way too late writing bullshit that nobody reads...but let's be more optimistic. Well, all right, why is life worth living? That's a very good question. Um, well, there are certain things, I...I guess, that make it worthwhile. Uh, like what? Okay...um for me...uh. Oh, I would say, what, Robert McCammon to name one thing. And um and John Steinbeck and...um... the...The Beatles...and um, death metal...Swedish movies naturally..."The Earth" by Emile Zola, umm...Jack Lemmon, Flannery O'Connor...umm those incredible Apples and Pears by Cezanne...uh..the crabs at Sam Wo's...Rambo and Susie's furry little faces.

[Update 2018: add Charlie's furry little face to the list.]

ZOMBIE 5: KILLING BIRDS (1988)

ZOMBIE 5: KILLING BIRDS. Now when I hear a title of a film like that, my wee little brain connects the words "zombie" "killing" and "birds" and I create the expectation in my head that the film I'm about to watch is about zombie birds killing people. Wrong!!! ZOMBIE 5: KILLING BIRDS isn't about zombie birds you big dummy, it's actually the extremely slow moving story of a group of college geeks going out in the woods bird watching. While wandering around the woods they come upon a deserted house and decide to spend the night. This is like over 40 minutes into the movie at this point. During their stay one of the students starts having weird, lame visions about knives and murder. Later that night, some slooooooow zombies attack and eventually kill most everybody in boring ways. The End.

High school level special effects, horrible acting, zero nudity, unattractive females all around, an overly confusing story that just plain dumb. I cannot think of a single reason to watch this film other than to laugh right in it's stupid face. If you're a zombie fan then you're going to be disappointed at the crusty slow movers; if you're a gorehound you're gonna be disappointed at the weak gore and if you're a killer animal fan then you're really going to be disappointed because other than one lame eye gouging scene there is zero onscreen bird-on-human violence.

Skip it with a vengeance and never look back.

During the zombie attack this guy asks his computer for suggestions on what to do. What the fuck? That doesn't even make sense at all. For the sake of journalism, I asked Siri what I should do if zombies attacked and she actually brought up a Wolfram Alpha page about zombie movies. I'm kinda impressed. I then asked her if she has a hairy pussy and she gave me directions to a nearby pet store. What the hell? LOL. Why?!