MR. HUSH (2010)

MR. HUSH is the kind of horror movie that make me want to stop watching horror movies.  The film opens with a 10+ minute introduction to the family.  A husband, a wife and a young daughter.  The filmmakers are trying, I guess, to make you feel sympathy towards this family, but instead I just got weirded out cause the father is so goddamn Ned Flanders-style creepy that I thought he was a serial killer that had maybe kidnapped this woman and child and brainwashed them into happy slaves or something.  Dialogue example:

Husband: "Honey, sometimes you're a wigwam and sometimes you're a teepee."

Wife: "What?"

Husband: "You're two tents!"

Wife: "How can a doof be so cute?"

Husband: "Well I'm blessed."

Good grief.  Imagine an entire movie with that caliber writing.

Anyway, so eventually the doorbell rings and it's a vampire dressed as a priest wanting to use the telephone.  After being invited into the home, he kills the wife and kidnaps the daughter.  So for like the next 30 minutes we get to watch this no acting loser (the husband) mopes around crying about his dead wife and missing daughter.  Eventually he finds a woman desperate enough to put up with his bullshit and, hey, check it out, the doorbell rings again and ol' boy runs out into the living room to find his gf dead and her daughter missing.  It just gets worse from there.

I'm sure the filmmakers mean well, but unfortunately it didn't turn out well.  Zero budget, zero action, zero gore, zero scares, zero tension, zero fucks given about the audience, long dialogue scenes, long scenes of people talking to themselves, dream sequences with people talking, Billy Ray Cyrus hair, a long scene of a dude walking down a dirt road whistling "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall", probably the worst looking vampire of all time and honestly some of the worst dialogue I've heard in a long time.

Skip it.

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2011)

Five thirty-somethings go out for a relaxing weekend getaway at a secluded cabin in the woods only to end up being attacked by zombies and a whole horde of other nasty creatures.  What's behind all this mayhem?  Well, you'll have to watch the film to find out, but trust me, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out.  In fact, you'll probably figure it out in about two minutes, but the fun isn't solving the mystery as much as watch it all play out.  Also, Buffy fans will instantly recognize the writing style of Joss Whedon and get an added kick out of the Buffyverse stuff.

I have more to say, but I think you'd just be better going into the film blind.  The horror is not as hardcore as I was hoping, in fact, the film is more of a comedy, but I still enjoyed it and actually watched it twice just to pick up some of the details.

Good film, lots of fun monsters, quick pace, attractive females (especially that redhead, my god), good special effects.  Check it out.  Hopefully they make a series out of this idea.