KANSAS CITY CONFIDENTIAL (1952)

[Update 09/27/2021: Need to rewatch and redo this review completely. Just deleted all the screenshots. Going to just restart this whole thing from scratch..as I find time, so expect this disclaimer to disappear around 2037.]

Revenge fueled noir about a police chief forced into an early retirement who nearly gets away with the perfect crime: tricking three wanted men into robbing an armored truck and then "accidentally" spotting them and turning them in for the $300,000 reward. Pretty slick plan and he would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for florist delivery driver John Payne. You see florist delivery driver John Payne is the unsuspecting fall guy in the operation (the crooks use a double of his truck) and immediately after the robbery he's arrested then beaten and tortured for days by the police in an effort to get an confession. It's not until the vehicle double is found that he's released, but by now he's been fired from his job and his reputation drug through the poo-poo in the newspapers. The only thing left for him to do is catch (or kill) the robbers himself...especially since they're sitting on a million clams.

Some of the tough guy scenes are a little dated and cheesy, but the pace is nice, good story, awesome hard-boiled slang and a strong cast: John Payne, Neville Brand, Lee Van Cleef, Jack Elam, Preston Foster and Coleen Gray. There's also a number uncredited appearances by lesser known actors like Carleton Young, James Conaty, Charles Cane, Lee Phelps (who starred in over 600 movies!!!), William Haade, Howard Negly and Roger Moore...no not that Roger Moore, the other one from the "Three Stooges" shorts and a ton of movies.

Definitely worth a purchase if you’re a noir fan.

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981)

In 1997, America is all fucked up and the crime rate is so high the government has converted Manhattan into a prison, complete with guarded 50 foot high walls around the perimeter. There are no rules. The cops just dump the prisoners and split. They don't care what happens as long as it stays inside...but all of that changes when, thanks to some terrorists, Air Force One carrying President Donald Pleasence crashes inside.

The coppers go in to get him, but only find his empty escape pod. The inmates have taken him hostage and instruct them to leave or the President dies. Plan B: convince soon-to-be-transported-to-Manhattan prisoner and ex-special forces soldier "Snake" Plissken to go in and save the President (and a super important cassette tape that he's carrying) within 24 hours. How do they convince him? By placing explosives inside of his neck.  That'll do it.

So anyway Snake goes in and...it's kinda boring. He walks around a lot and talks to some people. Eventually he punches some punks, gets captured and forced to fight a giant dude with a spiked baseball bat, but even that is boring cause the fight is only like two minutes long.  More talking and more running around happens until Snake finally a hold of the President.  Now he must escape from New York.

I've heard tons of hype about this movie being totally badass.  I can see how the idea for this movie is awesome, but the reality of it isn't all that great. It's pretty boring and considering how it came out the same year as THE ROAD WARRIOR it doesn't doesn't have any excuse not to be badass.  I'm sure all kinds of fanboys are vomiting tears and punching their computers right now, but it's true. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is not action-packed and it looks pretty goddamn cheap.

Worth a watch once just to see what all the hype is about, but I can't imagine wanting to watch it multiple times. Very little violence, no gore, very little tension, zero nudity (unless you count Kurt Russell's nipples or that extremely quick scene in the theater), impressive cast including some uncredited voice acting by Jamie Lee Curtis as the narrator / computer, a gun equipped with a silencer making a lot of noise, a Cadillac with chandeliers on the hood, dated as fuck special effects, important information being carried on a cassette tape despite it being 1997.

If you need me, I'll be in my room watching the next Carpenter-Russell collaboration instead...THE THING.  Or maybe re-reading that escape the store chapter from Robert McCammon's "Swan Song".

Part 2 - Escape From L.A. (1996)