TURBULENCE 3: HEAVY METAL (2001)

[Update 12/27/2020: Going to watch this entire series and then fix this review.]

 

A 12th-rate Marilyn Manson impersonator is going to perform his unique brand of shit rock on a airplane for some of his ugliest fans and also live on the internet. After the first few (horrible) songs the lead singer dude goes to the restroom (possibly to take a giant dump) and is knocked out and replaced by a Satanist that is hellbent on taking over the plane and wrecking it into a small church in Kansas because he believes that that will bring on the Antichrist.

Back on earth, an FBI agent just happens to arrest a hacker at the exact moment he gains access to the rock guy's website video feed, so together, they figure out that the plane is under terrorist control and then they contact (via more hacking) the real rock star and talk him into being Harrison Ford from AIR FORCE ONE.  Here's a classic line from the movie: "Let me get this straight, Kate: you want the hacker you went to arrest to virtually guide the rock star through the plane so that he can overpower the armed, Satanic hijackers?" Honestly, I need to quit my job and start writing movie scripts. Cuz there's no way, no way that I would write anything worst than that!

The whole thing is just so ridiculous and full of holes that you can't help but just laugh your ass off. I watched this with some friends and we laughed and giggled like fucking idiots. But I can only image that watching it alone would be torture. 

 

Part 1 - Turbulence (1997) 

Part 2 - Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying (1999)

 

What a hacker might look like.

What a rock concert might look like.

What a dork might look like.

What a...what the fuck is that?!!

ANATOMY (2000)

"It's kind of fun to sit around and talk about dick sizes in public."

 

A young woman (Franka Potente of RUN LOLA RUN fame) is smart enough to get accepted into one of the most prestigious medical schools in Germany, but not smart enough to recognize there's a murderous (not so) secret society, the Anti-Hippocratic Society (A.A.A.), going around killing people.  And not just some random students on the other side of the school, but people in her main Anatomy class and even her roommate!

 

I enjoyed the basic story idea of ANATOMY, but the entire film is just so light-hearted and downright silly that there is absolutely no way a hardened horror fan could ever take this film seriously.  It's better just to sit back then admire and giggle at how dumb everything is.  I mean there's a Fatboy Slim "Praise You" montage scene for fuck's sake!

 

Okay pace, absolutely ridiculous story, very little blood, the biggest door opening that I've ever seen on a public bus, nobody sexy at all to look at, hilariously bad dialogue, a Final Girl who puts herself into danger multiple times, boring killers, disappointing ending.  Not a bad film, but in no way can it be looked at as a serious horror film.  Watch it for a laugh. 

Part 2 - Anatomy 2 (2003)

PIT STOP (1969)

Hot rodder Rick Bowman is one bad mother. While the opening credits roll we see Bowman getting ready to whip some nerd's ass at street racing. But wouldn't you know it? The spazz he's racing wrecks his crate into somebody's crib then the pigs show up and throw Bowman in the slammer. Race promoter Grant Willard (Brian Donlevy) sees this as his opportunity, so he bails Bowman out and convinces him to do some Circle 8 Racing with a promise that if he does good maybe there's a spot for him over at his racing outfit, California Customs.

Just in case you don't know what Circle 8 racing is it's a race track with an intersection in the middle! Director Jack (SPIDER BABY, SWITCHBLADE SISTERS) Hill filmed a lot of exciting real life footage for the racing scenes and it's great! These wrecks are the real deal and it gives PIT STOP a cool historical feel to it.

Even though the racing scenes are fun to watch the other thing that makes this movie so good, even 40 years later, is the story is actually interesting and the actors are good! The biggest surprise is a young Sid Haig who actually shows some range! I've only seen him in the horseshit horror movies he cranked out later in his career, so I figured his entire career consisted of standing around with his mouth wide open, but I was wrong, because in PIT STOP he closes his gaping grin and does some honest acting...and he's good.  Damn good in fact!

If you like hot rod flicks then this is a really good one and a lot of fun to watch. Also look out for a young Ellen Burstyn. Highly recommended.