RONIN (1998)

Helmed by legendary film director John Frankenheimer and boasting an even more legendary cast, RONIN tells the mildly entertaining story of a bunch of dangerous motherfuckers (CIA agents, Russian mafia, mercenaries, etc.) all trying to get a hold of a mysterious briefcase. Backstabbing, double-crossing, ambushes, explosions, gunfights, ice skating, car chases, improper lane changes…RONIN has plenty to keep the viewer entertained, but unfortunately, the characters and the overall story are not interesting enough to put this film on my frequently viewed list. Then again, JOYSTICKS is on that list, so what do I know?

I don’t want to sound too harsh though, because RONIN is a good film. Quick pace, fun shoot-outs, great car chases, strong performances. I especially like Robert De Niro's chill performance.  I was super sad that Sean Bean's part wasn't bigger.  He's a fantastic actor and his character was the most intriguing out of everybody.

Anyway, good film and definitely worth a watch for fans of 1990's action movies.

ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD (2007)

Werner Herzog and Antarctica. I mean, come on, what else do you need to know to know that you need to see this film? Instead of just talking about the environment and the various creatures, Werner does what he does best and focuses in on the people who work in this remote land...and what a weird bunch they are! I'll let you discover them for yourself.

The film opens with Werner and his longtime cinematographer Peter Zeitlinger in a cargo plane landing in Antarctica on a frozen bay that's big as fuck and covered in like 8 feet of ice! Next they arrive at the research station and Werner is disappointed in how depressing it looks so after attending a survival school they ventures out to met some of the scientists at some of the more remote substations including some divers, a guy who wears tweed, seal researchers, an awesome volcano and a penguin scientist. The penguin part was the saddest because while they're filming a lone penguin starts walking off in the wrong direction (towards the interior of the continent, not the ocean!) and the science guy says that sometime a penguin will do that and if he returns it to the group it'll just turn around and walk off again to certain death. I found that to be very depressing and I really, really wanted to see where that penguin was walking to with such certainty as fast as his little penguin feet would take him. Poor little guy.

If you've seen any other of Herzog's wonderful documentaries then you know how talented he is at capturing the small little unique moments that make life so wonderful and EATEOFW is no different. It's a magnificent film and 99 minutes is nowhere near long enough. It could've easily been 5 times that and I would have still begged for more.

Highly recommended.

CASTLE FREAK (1995)

A troubled couple and their blind teenage daughter inherit a castle. They celebrate their good fortune by arguing a lot. Luckily for us viewers though...there's a castle freak in the basement!  He's just hanging out, waitin' to get his freak on! And freak on he does. But this castle freak wasn't born a freak, oh no, he's a man-made freak. Story goes his mother was really freakin' angry at the young boys father, so she freaks out and attacks the boy. Freakin' up his face, freaking out his tongue and even freaking off his dong! She then locks him in a bare room for a bunch of years and that's when he gets all freakified. Eventually, the woman dies and when the new family moves in, the freakin' freaker freaks the freak out and escapes his freakhole.

Once freed from his freak cell, the castle freak stays within the walls of the castle and actually does a pretty piss poor job of hiding himself, but the couple is so preoccupied with arguing that they miss the obvious clues that there's a freak on the loose. The body count starts to add up, but overall it's pretty slow going.  And while the freak is uglier than Papa Smurf's butthole, I kind of felt sorry for him...right up until he freaks off a woman's nipple! Holy shit that was awesome!!! Yeah, the Castle Freak might not have a ping-ding, but he's still a perverted motherfreaker who wants to get superfreaky with the couple's teenage daughter.

For a low-budget 90's freak flick, CASTLE FREAK has it's moments, but for the most part I couldn't help but think how cool this story could have been with a higher budget and a more imaginative script. Slow start, boring looking castle, not enough extreme freak action, unattractive topless scene, medium amount of blood, no gore, boring ending. Worth a one time watch, but that's it.  I'd love to see a remake where the castle freak gets loose and runs around the local village.

Remake - Castle Freak (2020)