Sunday, November 20, 2016

INDEPENDENCE DAY (1996)

"I really don't think they flew 90 billion light years to come down here and start a fight and get all rowdy."

On July 2nd 1996, a gigantic mothership parks itself above the Earth and then releases a bunch of "smaller" ships (that are still big as fuck).  These smaller ships station themselves all over the Earth, hovering above major cities.  As history teaches us, it's never a good thing when massive spaceships start ominously hovering above major cities, but some people were still optimistic.  Hell, the President of the United States (Bill Pullman) didn't even leave the White House.  It's not until satellite technician Jeff Goldblum (who's so quirky he rides a bicycle inside a building!  What a madman!!!) figures out that the mysterious tone being broadcast by the aliens is actually a countdown to a coordinated attack, that people start getting worried.  It's a good thing that his ex-wife (whom he's still in love with, naturally) just happens to be the President's Director of Communications.  Small world.  So anyway, the countdown ends and the aliens bring the motherfuckin' ruckus, but it's not a big enough motherfuckin' ruckus, cause the puny Earthlings still have the ability to fight back!  U.S.A.!  U.S.A.!

For a big budget 90's disaster flick, INDEPENDENCE DAY is pretty fun.  I mean, it ain't no ARMAGEDDON, but it's still a fun time-waster with a ridiculous story, cheesy dialogue and nice looking special effects.  Plus, I'm always a sucker for alien invasion movies.

Satisfactory (over)acting by a big name cast, quick pace that makes the 154-minute runtime fly by, dated special effects that still look good, Will Smith making a chicken noise, lots of eye-rolling patriotic moments, questionable computer abilities, famous landmarks getting blown the fuck up, President Bill Pullman's rousing pre-battle speech that will make you stand up and salute your television, Jeff Goldblum recycling a line from JURASSIC PARK, a very young Mae Whitman as the President's daughter, Harry Connick Jr. admiring Will Smith's butthole.  Fun film that is easily rewatchable.

Part 2 - Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (1951)

Friday, November 18, 2016

THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION (2001)

1940, New York City.  Woody Allen is an insurance investigator who has an outstanding success rate thanks to his numerous underworld connections and his ability to "think like a criminal". His glory days might be coming to an end though when the insurance company he works for hires an efficiency expert (Helen Hunt) to streamline the office.  She's even considering getting rid of the investigation division altogether! Allen tries to talk to Hunt, but it's of no used because all they do is end up trading insults.

One evening, some employees go to a nightclub, where there's a hypnotist act as part of the floor show, to celebrate a co-worker's birthday (and Allen's recovery of a stolen Picasso).  Allen and Hunt are selected as volunteers for the hypnotist (with hilarious results), but the hypnotist (David Ogden Stiers) has more sinister motives.  Later that night, Allen receives a telephone call at his apartment from the hypnotist who puts him back under hypnosis and orders him to use his insurance company knowledge to break into a customers mansion and steal their jewelry.  The next day, Briggs is called in to investigate the crime he doesn't even know he committed!

I love THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION and have watched it dozens of times over the years.  Although I usually turn it off about 3/4 of the way through, because the ending isn't that great...but the first half of the movie is hilarious!  The script is almost nothing but one-liners and witty remarks that are fired off so quickly that you'll have to watch the film multiple times to catch them all.

Beautiful set design, awesome looking 1940's clothing (some of the women's dresses were amazing!), strong acting by an impressive cast, quick pace, fantastic music that really sets the mood.  Highly recommended.

Would make a great double-feature with SMALL TIME CROOKS.