Friday, February 5, 2010

BODY BAGS (1993)

What's up with John Carpenter? Back in the 70's/80's he directed some awesome movies like THE THING, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, HALLOWEEN, CHRISTINE and PRINCE OF DARKNESS, but then in the last 20 years he's churned out a number of clunkers including this turd which from what I read was a failed pilot for a horror anthology on Showtime. Kinda like HBO's "Tales from the Crypt".

During the intro we enter a morgue and meet John Carpenter dressed up like a corpse. He makes corny jokes about death and drinks formaldehyde (hahhahahaha, so funny!!!). It's mercifully short then we get into the three stories:

1) a chick is working late night at a gas station and some dude with a ax wants to kill her. I guess that sounds scary, but it's not in the least. It's horrible.

2) A guy with thinning hair wants hair so he goes to a hair growth business that makes him grow hair quickly, but with deadly results. It's nowhere even in the realm of being close to scary. Just plain dumb, but not as dumb as what's next...

3) Luke Skywalker gets an eye replacement and the previous owner was a serial killer. I'm sure you can guess what happens next. Yawn.

If this is the best stories they could come up with I can easily see why Showtime passed on it. The entire thing is just painful to watch. Even the various cameos by different horror personalities it's still not wasting your time with. Skip it.
That's some pretty elaborate bathroom wall graffiti.