"It's just laying there! Move, you bastard, move!"
With the popularity of the 1970's disaster phase waning and audiences demanding
more fantastic blockbusters (like SUPERMAN, STAR WARS
and STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE) what better time was it to sink $40 million
into a slow-moving film about the wreckage of the Titanic?! Keep in mind,
the same year's THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK only had a budget
of $18 million! Another thing that puzzled me was 1977's all-star
AIRPORT '77
(which not only featured a commercial airplane being raised from the ocean
floor, but was also directed by Jerry Jameson!) only brought in $30
million...so why would the filmmakers of this film think that retooling
basically the same story with even less star power would make
more money?!
The entire story behind the making of this movie would be fascinating to
hear. Like...what was the logic behind financing this film? Looking
back on it now, it sounds like a completely insane idea...and it was.
RAISE THE TITANIC cost a reported $40 million to make and only brought in $7
million at the box office.
So, we established that RAISE THE TITANIC was a financial disaster, but is it a
good film?
Ehh, not really. I enjoyed the beginning, but once the story got going, it
quickly became too silly and slow-moving for it's own good. Long story
short: the American government needs a rare mineral (the fictional
"byzanium") for a full-proof nationwide missile defense program.
Unfortunately, the only known location of the amount of byzanium needed for the
project is in the cargo hold of the Titanic. Don't ask. The whole
story is ridiculous and only gets more ridiculous when the government decides
the best way to retrieve the cases of byzanium is to first locate the Titanic
and then raise that big bitch out of Poseidon's underwater sex dungeon and drive
it back to New York City.
And if all that wasn't enough: On top of wildly convoluted story (how about
instead of a bunch seahorse shit about a government defense program, you just
have rich guy who simply wants to raise the Titanic?), there's the exceedingly
pointless love triangle between the two men in charge of the program and a
female newspaper reporter! And don't forget about the Russians! Or
Alec Guinness who's listed in the opening credits, but is only on the screen for
less than 6 minutes. The script for this movie is a mind-blowingly
wonderful train wreck. I can't quit thinking about how dumb the whole
thing is.
Overall, being a box office bomb doesn't make RAISE THE TITANIC into a bad
movie, it's the dumb story, slow pace and poorly written script that make RAISE
THE TITANIC a lame movie. But then again, I pre-ordered the blu-ray, so
what the fuck do I know?
Showing posts with label Alec Guinness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alec Guinness. Show all posts
Thursday, October 18, 2018
Saturday, March 2, 2013
MUTE WITNESS (1994)
A mute special effects artist from America is working on a film in Moscow.
One evening, at the end of the shooting day, she forgets something inside the
rundown studio and goes back inside to get it...only to find two of the Russian
crew making a snuff film! Couldn't these guys have waited until the others
were gone for like 5 minutes?! Scared out of her wits she runs all around
the studio with the two killers only a few steps behind her. She escapes,
but then things get even crazier.
I like the idea of the film and some of the suspense stuff at the beginning is fun, but after awhile it just becomes too much. The American director is goofy to the point of being annoying and the main girl herself doesn't really seem all that traumatized by the murder she witnessed and the attempt on her life. She lives through the opening chase scene, but once she's free she just goes back to her apartment alone and chills out in the bathtub!
Mild blood, zero gore, badly shot nudity, quick pace, Alec Guinness cameo, unrealistic characters. MUTE WITNESS is a simple film that's completely unbelievable, but still a fun watch as long as you don't expect too much. But do expect to make fun of that director dude. He was an idiot. Dude couldn't even boil water and answer the phone at the same time. Moron.
I like the idea of the film and some of the suspense stuff at the beginning is fun, but after awhile it just becomes too much. The American director is goofy to the point of being annoying and the main girl herself doesn't really seem all that traumatized by the murder she witnessed and the attempt on her life. She lives through the opening chase scene, but once she's free she just goes back to her apartment alone and chills out in the bathtub!
Mild blood, zero gore, badly shot nudity, quick pace, Alec Guinness cameo, unrealistic characters. MUTE WITNESS is a simple film that's completely unbelievable, but still a fun watch as long as you don't expect too much. But do expect to make fun of that director dude. He was an idiot. Dude couldn't even boil water and answer the phone at the same time. Moron.
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