HANNAH AND HER SISTERS (1986)

"I can't fathom my own heart."

[Update 07/18/2021: Need to edit this review and fix the screenshots.]

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS is anchored around three consecutive Thanksgivings. Kinda like Bergman's FANNY AND ALEXANDER had three Christmas'. The movie opens with a dinner celebration taking place on the first Thanksgiving. Michael Caine (who's married to Hannah - played by Mia Farrow) is moaning away over Hannah's sister Lee, played by Barbara Hershey. He is bored with his marriage and deeply in lust with Lee. Lee is in a relationship with painter Max van Sydow. Hannah's other sister is played by Diane Wiest. She's a drug addicted wannabe actress who is constantly borrowing money from Hannah to support her various ideas like to be a writer or to run a catering company. She also once went on a horrible date with Hannah's ex-husband Mickey, played by Woody Allen.

Everything about this film is engaging. The acting, the cinematography, the music, but what makes it such a great movie to me is the script. Every single line is a treasure. Classic Woody Allen. Just look at this passage where Michael Caine is thinking to himself while watching Lee at the Thanksgiving party:

"God, she's beautiful. She's got the prettiest eyes. She looks so sexy in that sweater. I just want to be alone with her and hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her and take care of her. Stop it you idiot, she's your wife's sister. But I can't help it. I'm consumed by her. It's been months now. I dream about her, I - I - I think about her at the office. Oh Lee, what am I gonna do? I hear myself moaning over you and it's disgusting. Before, when she squeezed past me at the doorway and I smelt that perfume on the back of her neck - Jesus, I - I thought I was gonna swoon. Easy! You're a dignified financial adviser. It doesn't look good for you to swoon."

I'm swooning just reading it. I would give 10 inches off my dick if I could write like that.  I get so much pleasure out of watch old Woody Allen movies. He was so great back in the 80's. So great that I nearly forget he later made MELINDA AND MELINDA. [vomits all over keyboard]

If you've never seen HANNAH AND HER SISTERS, I cannot recommend it enough. It has an organic quality. Entirely interdependent, if you know what I mean. I can't put it into words. The important thing is, it breathes. An epiphany of the soul!

SORORITY ROW (2009)

[Update 09/27/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

The original wasn't anything special, so SORORITY ROW has the potential to be better than the original...but it's not.  It's a turd. It's still light years better than that shitty Michael Bay FRIDAY THE 13TH remake though, but then again falling down a flight of stairs teeth first would be more enjoyable than that boring piece of shit.

A group of six annoying stuck up and unattractive bitches (the killer couldn't kill them fast enough to suit me), pull a prank at a party and girl ends up dead. A few months later, a mysterious killer shows up and starts killing people with a "pimped out" tire iron. Good grief. There's around 10 killings and they average from the stab-through-the-wall method all the way to flare gun in the mouth. Yawn. The killer wears a graduation outfit. Stupid. There's only a few quick flashes of nudity and none of it by anybody attractive.

If you've already done everything that you've ever wanted to do in your life and now you're just sitting around waiting for Death's cold finger then I'd say watch this movie, but if not then skip it.

Original - The House of Sorority Row (1983)