PSYCHOMANIA (1973)

Tom: "And another thing.  You can only die once.  After that, nothing and nobody can harm you."
Jane: "Oh, man!  What are we waiting for?!"

Tom is the leader of a motorcycle gang.  And by "gang", I mean 8 dorks with even dorkier helmets who ride around on a bunch of old rattletrap bikes that look like they're about to fall apart at any moment.  They do randomly murder some innocent people, so that's a plus.  One evening, Tom learns the secret of immortality and promptly kills himself.  Soon, he's back from the dead and riding around causing mayhem.  He convinces his fellow gang members to kill themselves as well (the suicide montage is the best part of the movie) and before you can say "I should really watch CEMETERY MAN again." they're all (minus the idiot who couldn't even kill himself properly) back from the dead, driving around wrecking shit.

For an early 70's "horror" movie, PSYCHOMANIA is entertaining in a funny sort of way.  There's definitely nothing even remotely scary about it, but the music is cool and the silly story moves along quickly enough.  Zero tits, zero gore, zero blood, very little violence, passable acting, a dead motorcyclist buried in a grave on his motorcycle somehow starts it up and explodes out of the grave 10 years before LONE WOLF MCQUADE, interesting 70's fashions, never fully explained zombie strength, fog, lackluster ending.

Not the greatest thing ever, but I don't regret watching it. In some other perfect alternative universe there is a action-packed movie where the motorcycle dorks from PSYCHOMANIA rumble with the motorcycle dorks from SATAN'S SADISTS.

NIGHT OF THE COMET (1984)

The Earth passes through the tail of a comet. The majority of humans (those who looked directly at the comet) are turned into dust.  The remaining survivors are either slowly dying, turned into zombies or completely normal.  Two of the latter are Regina and Samantha, two twenty-something year-old "teenagers", who, after mourning for a few minutes, go to the mall for a shopping spree!  Yaayyy!!!

That actually sounds like an interesting idea for a movie, but it wasn't.  Instead of a cleverly written story with some terminally upbeat teenage girls in the middle of a zombie outbreak (I'm thinking THE YOUNG GRADUATES meets DAWN OF THE DEAD here), we get the boring story of two boring young women with boring personalities who honestly don't do much of anything.  Just lots of standing around and talking with only a few minutes worth of action.  Sub 80's television-level action, at that!

I'm sure there are of fans of NIGHT OF THE COMET, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it, but for a movie with such potential (unexpected zombies, a blonde high school cheerleader in distress, 80's fashions, extreme population reduction, cool movie posters, arcade video game cabinets, a movie theater, great supporting cast, a secret military base, etc.), I found the whole thing to be disappointing.

If you need me, I'll be in my room watching THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD or Catherine Mary Stewart's other 1984 film...the truly great THE LAST STARFIGHTER.

Also, I swear to Satan, that animatronic clown is the same one in PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE. And speaking of Pee-wee Herman...how come there's never been a movie called PEE-WEE'S BIG HERMAN?