BREAKING DAWN - PART 1 (2011)

Ahhh yeah. My favorite comedy series about super moody vampires is back! Was it worth the wait? Yes. Was it as awesome as I had hoped? Yes. Was there tons of brooding? Yes. Fighting? Not really. Unicorns? No. Moonshine running? No. Cockblocking? Yes. A crying werewolf? Yes.  Alice getting naked?  Nooooo!!!!!

The film opens with Edward and Bella getting married (finally!!!) and on their wedding night The Beast With Two Backs shows up and as we all learned from Season 6 of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": vampires are dynamite in the sack! Edward didn't just wreck the shit out of the bed, he torn that pussy up too. Before you can say "Gimme some of dat vampire jizz and put some stank on it!" Bella is pregnant with some kind of mysterious creature that's killing her from the inside out! Holy fook!

Naturally, the werewolf clan doesn't look kindly on this abomination and they want to kill the baby. Even more naturally, Jacob mopes around non-stop while being a whiny, cockblocking Beta! Ohhh, I hate him so much! Will Bella live? What the f is inside her? Can Edward possibly get more dreamy? Could Alice's smile be any cuter? Will I laugh so hard my sides still hurt the next day?  Will they ever make an Alice spinoff series?! Will there be a cliffhanger ending that makes me yell "What the fuck? Nooooo!!!!!" and shake my handsome fist at my TV? You're gonna have to watch it yourself to find out!

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it another year.

Part 1 - Twilight (2008)
Part 2 - The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Part 3 - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Part 5 - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012)

WAKE ISLAND (1942)

Released just nine months after the actual Battle of Wake Island, WAKE ISLAND the movie has the facts of the story all messed up, but we'll let that slide since this film (one of the very first American WWII movies made about the US involvement) is more about capturing a feeling and rousing the people at home into fighting mode.

As for the movie itself, WAKE ISLAND opens with some American Marines and civilian contractors living their life on Wake Island. Digging holes and bitching about how bored they are until one day, out of nowhere, the Japanese Navy attacks. Will the Americans be able to hold out until reinforcements show up? Or will reinforcements just not show up at all?

I liked the film, but it's a little too lighthearted for my tastes. I understand the filmmakers were trying to make the characters more personable, but that one dude (William Bendix) was a fucking goofball.  Then again, what do I know because he was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role in this film! Other than the goofball, the rest of the film is alright. The action scenes are especially well made.  I would imagine WAKE ISLAND was a real crowd-pleaser back in 1942 even despite the continuity errors.

Modern audiences will probably find it very dated, especially laughable Brian Donlevy's outfit (and the two guys who couldn't keep their hands off of each other), but as far as pro-American propaganda goes WAKE ISLAND is entertaining enough.

Nice shirt there Seinfeld. The tie's awesome too.