TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1994)

I saw TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION in the theater when it originally came out and the main thing I remember is the audience laughing loudly at the movie...hard.  It was a lot of fun.

The story opens with a high school girl (Renee Zellweger) going to her prom then quickly leaving with three other students and getting lost on a dirt road.  They wreck their car and soon find themselves being terrorized and held captive some unfrightening dorks.  The leader of these dorks is Matthew McConaughey.  He has a leg brace on one leg that's controlled by a remote control.  It also makes whirring noises when he moves.  It's really funny.  The End.

Alright.  There's actually more to the movie than Matthew McConaughey's leg noises, but not much.  The story is weird because it's basically the same story as the original film, except that it takes place in some bizarre parallel universe where things are lamer, suckier and more boring.  Also in the original film Leatherface was terrifying as fook, but in this film Leatherface is about as scary as the Hamburglar.  He also screams almost non-stop, which is kinda funny.

Zero scares, zero nudity, lots of talking, stupid people everywhere, zero chainsaw deaths(!!!), Mr. Spottish stepping on it, terrible 90's rock music playing during the chase scenes, Leatherface chainsawing down a brick smokestack, Grandpa literally just standing up and walking off in the middle of the movie...never to be see again, a dueling remote control battle over McConaughey's leg, some unexplained sadist in a limousine, a mysterious crop duster appearance, the shortest car chase in movie history and the highlight of the film: cameos by three of the original cast members.  That was really cool.

Not a bad film, just a strange one.  In the right frame of mind it can be really funny.  Hell, it might actually be a comedy.

Part 1 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Part 2 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Part 3 - Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
Reboot 1 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Reboot prequel - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Reboot sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Prequel - Leatherface (2017)
Direct sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Marilyn "Sally Hardesty" Burns

John "Grandpa Sawyer" Dugan

Paul "Franklin Hardesty" Partain

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW (1971)

Man I would love to know the story behind this picture!  I can just imagine how the initial pitch at MGM went: "Alright, last year those assholes over at 20th Century Fox made a ton of dough with BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and we only got one film in the Top 20 Box Office list, so let's make our own campy sex movie!  We get Rock Hudson all furred up with sideburns and a "Magnum P.I." mustache.  He's got a hot wife but he's so hip, with his peace signs and love pad guidance counselor's office, that these long-legged teenage chicks in miniskirts can't keep their pussies off of him.  He's banging like 3 or 4 before lunch!!!  Anyway, so here's the kicker: every one of these chicks is dripping pussy juice all over the school for this groovy old dude but whenever they ask him about leaving his wife...he kills them!!!!!!!!  It's brilliant.  Slasher movies haven't been invented yet, but it's gonna be just like a slasher movie, just without the gruesome kills and the Final Girl.  Get some other big names involved like Telly Savalas, Angie Dickinson (we need to get her to bang some teenage boy also), Roddy McDowall, a theme song sang by The Osmonds (sex comedy audiences love the Osmonds!), throw in some topless chicks and this thing is going to be a hit!  So whatta ya think?"  "Go for it, but make sure to throw in some corny dialogue that people can giggle at in 50 years."

When the film first started I was kinda taken back at how interesting the opening credits were with the horny teenager boy going to school and walking down the hallway, the whole time being bombarded with sexy chicks everywhere he looks.  Suddenly, Rock Hudson shows up like some over-the-top 70's stud, slingin' ding-a-ling non-stop like John Holmes!  It was great!!!  Then...after like 30 minutes the film just stalled.  It was weird.  Instead of continuing with the same momentum of the opening act, the second and third acts don't really go anywhere.  The girls were still beautiful, of course, but the story dies a slow death. 

Worth watching if just for the oddity value of the whole thing.  And I honestly would love to learn the truth behind the making of this movie. Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, this movie was produced and written by Gene ("Star Trek") Roddenberry.