Wednesday, December 29, 2010

DEVIL TIMES FIVE (1974)

Fucking horrible. The first sign that this movie was going to take the cock and suck it was the opening credits were stretched out to 9:53. WTF?! That's 3 minutes longer than even BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL! Now I'm curious as to what's the longest opening credits in a movie ever? Probably THE FUGITIVE.  Anyway, five little brats that are all completely insane escape from a mental institution van snow covered mountain road then crash a vacation getaway of some adults. Then in an almost anti-HOME ALONE scenario the children start setting up booby traps and killing the adults anytime they try to leave. That actually sounds kinda cool, but it's not. Far fucking from it.

Zero tension, the children are annoying and the adults are all stupid. One of the kids (after killing a few people) actually pulls the "Look over there!" trick on a woman and she falls for it, runs out a door, gets gasoline dumped on her and then set on fire. If this movie was filmed like a super violent live action cartoon or as a HOME ALONE for deviant sadists this would have been the greatest horror movie of all time. Instead it about as exciting as watching a cooking show in a language you don't know on a upside down TV.

I can't think of one reason to watch this movie, but I can think of a hundred reasons to skip it.
Hey, Boss Hogg watch out for that boom mic shadow behind you.