Thursday, August 29, 2013

AMERICA 3000 (1986)

That poster might scream "Awesome!", but this post-apocalyptic action/comedy is nothing but a battle of the sexes snoozer with ugly environments, boring action scenes, zero nudity and unfunny humor.  Nine-hundred years after all out nuclear war Colorado is just a burnt out desert populated by a bunch of cavemen-like dudes and cavewomen-like chicks who hate each other and are constantly having little skirmishes.  Boring skirmishes.  One day a cavemen falls in a hole and discovers an old fallout shelter full of crap like guns, a gold suit and a ancient boombox. Further fighting happens until the two factions discover that they should be making love not war and suddenly everybody throws downs their weapons and starts making out.  The End. So that's it huh?  Just sudden peace?  What about the eunuchs or the really ugly or that monster creature dude?  The population is just so perfectly aligned that everybody is now in a happy relationship?

What a crap movie.  The story is so bare they have to utilize a narrator to keep things together. Everybody talks in some stupid future language with phrases like "That's fan-plastic!" and "Plugart’s got neggie smarts for tricken no-one!"  There's no cars so that means no awesome Mad Max-style car chases.  Low-budget sets that look like garbage.

Not annoyingly bad, just boring.  I can't imagine that any adult seeing this for the first time would enjoy it.