2012 (2009)

Around 666 trillion years ago the Mayans predicted that the world would come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. They were wrong. It happened a few months earlier than that. Haha! Stupid Mayans.

Struggling writer John Cusack takes his kids on a simple 1,000 mile (one way) road trip from Los Angeles to Yosemite National Park to go camping. They see a fence that says "Stay Out", so naturally they climb over it and get captured by soldiers. By chance the most important scientist in the universe is there and he's a big fan of John Cusack's novel that only sold 400 copies. He lets them go and within 5 minutes Cusack runs into conspiracy theorist radio host Woody Harrelson who tells Cusack about the coming end of the world.

Back in L.A., Cusack is driving a limo for a billionaire and the billionaire's kid starts talkin' shit Cusack about how he's going on a big ship and Cusack is going to die. Cusack freaks out and tells his family to hightail it, so they steal an airplane and fly around all over the joint as the entire planet blows up.

Disaster movies are silly and dumb as Hell, but that's what makes them so much fun! Plus, they all have the same plot: build up, disaster overload, aftermath. The build up in 2012 was enjoyable (but not really long enough) then the shit hits the fan and you would expect it to be a giant rape party, but strangely enough people are pretty calm and noble considering everything and the kitchen sink is being thrown at them...mega-earthquakes, mega-tsunamis, mega-volcanoes. This movie throws it all out there. I'm surprised some asteroids didn't try to get in on the action.

The story about the family on the run was exciting, but some of the other stuff should've ended up on the cutting room floor. I mean, goddamn, this sucker is nearly three hours long!  All the shit about the President? Trashed. The scientist's dad? Trashed. The scientist's dad's friend's son? Double trashed!!! Come on, this is suppose to be an action movie. All this extra bullshit is boring me.

Oh well, I've said too much. 2012 is fun for what it is.

ZINED! (1998)

Kinda interesting (in a time capsule kind of way) interviews with a few various zinesters talking about the standard zine stuff: how/why they started their zine, expressing their opinions without censorship, troubles getting copies made, love of mail and how it's not about the money.

If you know about zine culture then this will probably be boring, but if you know nothing at all about zines then you might find it interesting. Zines are homemade magazines that people made back in the 80's and 90's. They're a lot like blogs, except you would put in a lot more work and get much less in return, but hey, back in the day that's all you had. I had a zine myself during the 90's and out of the 13 issues I put out I probably sold less than 500 copies total, but it was a lot of fun!

ZINED!, just like most actual zines, is not a good looking documentary. It's all jumbled up with no clear narrative, the video effects are all over the place, there's odd movie/TV clips thrown in for no reason, but it all lends to it's charm. This movie is obviously a work of love and I can't knock film maker Marc Moscato for that. If you can find a copy and you have a spare 30 minutes then I say it's worth a watch. The funniest part was towards the end where some of the zinesters were knocking internet zines as being bullshit. Being made in 1998 I can understand where they were coming from, but it was pretty funny.

HARD REVENGE, MILLY: BLOODY BATTLE (2009)

That's it. I'm buying this motherfucker. Part 2 is even better than the original!!! I really like this story and especially director/writer Takanori Tsujimoto's style. He could make a hundred of these fucking movies and it still wouldn't be enough!

This time around the budget is bigger, the fx and locations are better, the story is deeper and best of all the fight scenes kick even more ass!!! Fuck yeah!

A strange (and hot) girl comes to Milly to help her get revenge of her own, but then, out of nowhere, some armed men attack and Milly kicks their ass. Including hitting one motherfucker so hard both of his eye balls shoot out! The men were sent by the gay lover of the main guy from part 1 and naturally this means Milly's going to have to fight this fatherfucker.

Like I said, things are bigger and better from the first movie, including delving a little deeper into Milly's past and really it just ends up making things even more mysterious than they were before.

I really liked both of these movies a lot and since you can get both on the same DVD I say go for it!

Part 1 - Hard Revenge, Milly (2008)

HARD REVENGE, MILLY (2008)

I've seen this DVD sitting on the shelf at the video store for a few weeks now and I kept thinking it was going to be like all of those other over-the-top, blood spurting out in gallons movies that have been pouring out of Japan lately, so I skipped it. Now I'm fucking racking myself in the nards nonstop, cause this movie is fucking bad ass!!! Woooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Two years ago, while out on a weekend drive, Milly and her family were attacked by a gang of assholes. They killed the husband; punch her infant baby then lit it on fire and slam it against a wall. During this Milly gets all kinds of fucked up to shit and mutilated, including her tits cut off (off screen). How she survived is clouded in mystery, but all that matters right now is she's out to kick some fucking ass!!!

The budget is low, but even with the sometimes cheesy CGI this movie is a blast. The biggest surprise to me is how exciting and well choreographed the fight scenes are. I was damn near standing up on the fucking couch yelling I was so excited. 

Kudos to everybody involved with this movie. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Part 2 - Hard Revenge, Milly: Bloody Battle (2009)