RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (2011)

[Update 01/26/2021: This review is fuck all.  Need to 100% redo this turd.]

 

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES starts with some scientists trying out some experimental drugs on some chimpanzees. Stuff happens and the chimps are put down, but the lead scientist (James Franco) discovers a baby chimp hidden in the smartest chimp's cage. James sneaks the chimp, named Caesar, home and is surprised when he discovers his mother passed down the effects of the drugs down to her child. Within a few years, Caesar is smarter than all of the fans of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" combined!!!

As he gets older Caesar loves James, but he is troubled by his role as a "pet". After an unfortunate event he is sent to a primate sanctuary ran by some sadistic assholes. It's there that Caesar comes to understand the role of apes in a human world. After his spirit is broken by his mistreatment and his mistaken belief that James as abandoned him, Caesar becomes determined to lead his fellow apes to a better life.

I liked this movie, but wish it had been darker and a little more epic. I understand that Caesar doesn't want a violent revolution, he just wants to live in peace, but I'm hoping that Part 2 is violent as shit. That would be awesome! Apes just going fucking nuts and killing the shit out of humans. Ripping out intestines. Even without the violence, I liked the story and it looks to be the beginning of a promising series.

Recommended, especially if you are anti-human, but even if not it's still highly entertaining and I think I might need to do some catching up on this entire series.

 

Part 1 -Planet of the Apes (1968)

Part 2 - Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

Part 3 - Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)

Part 4 - Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)

Part 5 - Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)

Remake 1 - Planet of the Apes (2001)

Reboot Part 2 – Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)

Reboot Part 3 – War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

 

THE DEBT (2010)

In 1966, three spies (two males, one female) were sent undercover into East Berlin to hunt down and kidnap an infamous Nazi war criminal. Naturally, being young and sexy the three spies cannot resist their primal urges to knock boots. This lack of discipline ends up screwing up their entire mission, so they do the next best thing and just lie about it. Hell, I could do that! Did I ever tell you about how back when I was a spy in Vietnam I accidentally found Hitler alive and teaching sign language at a school for limbless blind children? Just to be safe, I C4'ed the school and the entire village surrounding it then time-traveled to 7955 and moved to Io where I now "time-blog" back to the early 2000's. True story. Anyway, back to the movie: in 1997 word comes out that the Nazi dude is still alive so Helen Mirren (the older version of the 1966 spy) has to locate and kill him in order to pay her "debt".

Ehh, interesting story, but the jumping from 1966 to 1997 back and forth nonstop was uncalled for and irritating. I would rather just see the story from beginning to end. I think all of the jumping stuff was just the filmmakers trying to cover up the fact there was only like 45 minutes worth of actual story in this 113 minute movie. Another thing that confused my simple little brain was the two guys back in 1966, I had a hard time figuring out which was which. They looked a lot a like and neither resembled their 1997 versions. I finally figured it out, but even then it was still distracting. Of the three, I guess, the female was suppose to be the character the viewer sympathized with, but she came off almost like an emotionless robot.

Oh well, OK film with an interesting story, just badly executed. I would like to see what somebody else could do with the same story. Worth watching, but don't expect anything life changing or really anything you'll even remember in three months time. As for me, I will never watch it ever again.  I have much better things to do in good ol' 7955.  Like watch BACK TO THE FUTURE!

SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)

"She's so refined. I think I'll kill myself."

One of the biggest misconceptions about SINGIN' IN THE RAIN by people who've never seen it is it's just a hundred and three minutes of people yodelin into the camera like lovesick Howler monkeys, but actually this movie is very funny and filled with clever jokes. "Cosmo, call me a cab." "OK, you're a cab."

The film opens at a big movie premiere featuring two of Hollywood's biggest stars, Don Lockwood (Gene Kelly) and Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen). The rumor mags are filled with stories about them being in love in real life, but in reality Don can't stand Lina because she's actually a vile, simple-minded snake. Don's career began with him simply helping out around the studio and Lina treated him like garbage...until he became a star. The public knows none of this and Don lets them believe the illusion. Things are going pretty good until one night at a party a girl that Don has fallen for (played by Debbie Reynolds) accidentally hits Lina in the face with a cake. Lina has her fired and Don is furious with her. This really puts a strain on their working relationship and to make matters even worse the Talkies hit and now they have to actually talk and sing in their movies! Lina has a voice like fingernails on a chalkboard so the studio, at Don's suggestion, hires Debbie Reynolds to be the singing voice for Lina. All kinds of stuff happens next.

Through all of that there is one fantastic musical number after another. Every single one is a classic, but if I had to choose a favorite my pick would be the shortest one: "All I Do is Dream of You". I'm not sure why, but I just love it to death. Woody Allen even used it in his masterful CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS. Honestly though, if you were to pick any other song I would agree with you also.

The script for SINGIN' IN THE RAIN is brilliant. There's tons of funny lines, the story is imaginative and the pacing is perfect. This movie flies by and when it's done you just want to watch it again...so naturally it didn't win shit at the Academy Awards. Nothing, not even Best Music.

I cannot recommend SITR enough. It really is one of the greatest Musicals of all time, if not the greatest and it's extremely influential. If you consider yourself a serious student of Cinema then SINGIN' IN THE RAIN is required viewing.