Sunday, May 12, 2024


The closing shot should have been in the opening scene of the movie.

An old nerd is messing around at his country estate on some kind of scientific contraption.  Shit happens and aliens start showing up.  Very, very slowly showing up.  More crap happens and people get possessed and have either glowing blue eyes or glowing red eyes.  The ones with the blue eyes seem kinda chill, the ones with red eyes are here to bring a ruckus.  Unfortunately, Will Smith isn’t around to slap the shit out of them.  Lots of talking happens and a couple of people die, then a dude looks up to see a spacecraft about 0.00000000005% the size of my Depression filling the entire sky.  Fin.

I have a massive weakness for alien invasion stories, but, even with that proclivity in its corner, I was still disappointed in FIRST CONTACT.  The acting was okay and the look of the film was alright, the problem is with the script.  It’s a fucking snoozer.  If I had written this crap, I would have tossed it in the rubbish bin.  I’ve told my cat better stories than this.

Anyway, FIRST CONTACT is watchable and fun to make snarky commentary and sounds to, but as serious entertainment it’s just meh.  Okay pacing, boring story, mid-range camera work, zero tension, zero nudity, zero cheerleaders, a little blood, zero ninjas, boring dialogue, boring scenery.  Worth a watch if you're extremely bored.  Or extremely depressed.