FRANCIS (1950)

Dim-witted Peter Stirling (Donald O'Connor) is almost too stupid to live.  One day, while stationed in Burma (during World War II) this Beetle Baily motherfucker gets lost on foot behind Japanese lines and figures his best course of action is to take a nap.  Awakened later by approaching explosions, Peter simply runs off in whatever direction his feet take him.  Feets, don't fail me now!  He falls down a hill like a dumbfuck and standing there is a talking mule by the name of Francis.  Francis, with an i.  Francis saves Peter’s life by carrying him back to his base.  After that, Francis and Peter develop an almost abusive relationship were Francis constantly belittles Peter and embarrasses him by clamming up when others are around.  At the same time, they enjoy sneaking off together in the middle of the night to hunt humans.  They even kill some humans together at one point.  Maybe somebody should remake this film into a horror movie.

In the highly populated domesticated-talking-equine-hybrid-between-a-donkey-and-a-horse-during-the-Burma-campaign subgenre, FRANCIS is in the top 100% percentile.  That said, the story is weak and pretty much all of Peter’s troubles come from him constantly telling everybody on the base that he’s friends with a talking mule.  I wish that Francis and Peter had been more friendly from the beginning.  Instead of playing weird mind games.  That was depressing.  Why is being honest with each other so fucking hard?!  From a filmmaking standpoint, FRANCIS is very basic.  Boring sets, average acting, uninspired cinematography, average pace.  The main saving grace of the film is that the mule who plays Francis is super cute.  There's also a few brief Tony Curtis sightings that caught me off guard.  That was neat.

Worth a watch for fans of such things.  Or maybe even stoners looking for a few giggles.  If there even are still stoners anymore.  Are there?  I don’t even know.  What do the “cool” people do now?  Heroin?  Tranq?  Oxycodone?  Fentanyl?  Poisonous toad puss?  Who gives a fuck.  Drink some cherry-flavored mushroom Kool-Aid, pop some oxy and feel superior to others as you giggle at Francis.  He’s a mule.  That talks.

Part 2 - Francis Goes to the Races (1951)
Part 3 - Francis Goes to West Point (1952)
Part 4 - Francis Covers the Big Town (1953)
Part 5 - Francis Joins the WACS (1954)
Part 6 - Francis in the Navy (1955)
Part 7 - Francis in the Haunted House (1956)

CLOAK & DAGGER (1984)

A young boy (who has pretty much zero parental supervision) witnesses a murder. The man, right as he's dying, gives the boy an Atari cartridge and tells him to go to the FBI with it.  Being an idiot, the little boy listens to his imaginary friend instead of the dying man and does everything in the world except go to the FBI.  Bad guys chase him around for the rest of the movie.  People die.

I like the basic idea for CLOAK & DAGGER (young boy is being chased by bad guys and nobody believes him), but the execution of the story is really bizarre.  He gets police attention immediately after the first murder, but then clams up thanks to his imaginary friend, so the cops just take him home.  Everything that happens after that is his own fault.  The story would have been more compelling, if he had gotten the attention of the FBI and then something went wrong.  Example: he gets kidnapped or maybe a crooked FBI agent double-crosses him.  Anything would have been better than his self-created danger, but then again, kids are mostly stupid, so I'm kinda dumb for thinking that he's going to act logical.

That said, C&D is still entertaining, especially for fan's of 80's kid's movies.  Dabney Coleman is very good in his double role, screenplay by Tom (FRIGHT NIGHT, CHILD'S PLAY) Holland, old video game graphics, 80's fashions, early William Forsythe sighting, a very delightful John McIntire and Jeanette Nolan appearance (that really made my day), bland San Antonio locations, a wannabe Hitchcock feel to the entire film, strange younger girl next door character who talks like she's 45 years-old despite the fact that she's probably less than 10.  I liked CLOAK & DAGGER, but, I think, it would have been a better film in the hands of stronger director.  

Another curious thing about CLOAK & DAGGER is why in the hell did the people in charge of this movie allow it to be released during the 1984 Summer Olympics and then up against other youth oriented films like GHOSTBUSTERS, GREMLINS, RED DAWN, THE LAST STARFIGHTER, THE KARATE KID, THE JUNGLE BOOK (re-issue), INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, THE NEVERENDING STORY and THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN???  Jesus wept!  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!  That is just pure insanity.