Tuesday, November 29, 2011

WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD (2009)

At 80% prison escape drama, 30% mutant hillbilly slasher killing, 5% cannibalism, 1% tits and 30% entertaining...WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD is the crappiest of the series (so far). It's not horrible, just very predictable and I found myself daydreaming a lot. Even during the attack scenes.

A group of maximum security prisoners are being transported on a bus to another location. Suddenly, a hillbilly truck appears and runs them off the road. Unable to contact anybody for help, the group is forced to walk through the scary woods. Which is exactly what the mutant cannibal monsters had in mind, because they have the forest booby trapped with all kinds of shit for chopping up people. Along the way, the group comes across a wrecked armored truck full of money. This leads to all kinds of drama. To break up the sausage fest the group also comes across a woman who's been in the woods for the last few days hiding for the cannibal guy.

Of all of the 666 different scenarios that the writers could have came up with for a WRONG TURN sequel I think number 667 would have been "have a group of dudes with fake tattoos walking around the woods talking nonstop about how tough they are while being hunted by a lone hillbilly cannibal who looks like a large, furless, physically disabled meerkat". Instead I would have gone along the lines of some more like "a large, furless, physically disabled meerkat family attacks a cheerleader camp. Humongous amounts of ultraviolence, ultranudity and ultrashort shorts and ultraskimpy t-shirts ensue".

Overall, WRONG TURN 3 is kinda entertaining.  Forgettable acting, two very brief topless scenes, CGI blood and gore, nearly the entire movie is at night, reasonably quick pace, way too much tough guy posturing.

Worth a watch, if you are extremely bored, but not really.

Part 1 - Wrong Turn (2003)
Part 2 - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Part 4 - Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011)
Part 5 - Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
Part 6 - Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014)
Reboot - Wrong Turn (2021)

Friday, November 25, 2011

THE BURNING (1981)

"Hey, I told you to not beat on your schlong last night!"

The kids at a summer camp pull a prank on the goofy looking caretaker named Cropsy. The prank goes horribly wrong and Cropsy ends up burnt to a crisp. Five years later(!!!) he's released from the hospital and his first item of business is picking up a hooker. She gasps at his gnarly face and he rewards her with a blade in her fat belly.

Camp is back in session and for the next 40 minutes or so there's no killing, just camp hijinks and superhorny teenage hormones.  It's awesome. Cropsy lurks in the shadows watching the kids, but he doesn't do anything. He waits until a group of the older kids go on an overnight canoe adventure before he strikes and holy fook it's bad ass!!! The raft massacre scene alone is worth watching the movie.

Outside of SLEEPAWAY CAMP and some of the FRIDAY THE 13TH films, THE BURNING is my favorite camp slasher. The campers are a really colorful bunch and honestly I would have been happy if Cropsy had never even showed up. I was having enough fun just following all the silly shit the campers did. Impressive camerawork, nudity, an Ester Williams reference, hilarious 80's fashions, a random kid pouring pepper into other kid's milk, girl laughing at water splashed onto camera and a lot of familiar faces among the young cast including Jason Alexander, Brian Backer, Fisher Stevens and Holly Hunter. Also the special effects were by Tom Savini who passed up on FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 to do THE BURNING!

Enjoyable movie. Check it out.