I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1998)

It didn't take long for this series to fall off. After the lamest dream intro in the history of 90's cheesy teen horror movie dream intros, we're told that Jennifer Love Hewitt is now in college and still haunted by the events of last summer...and the summer before that, if you want to get technical. She wins a radio contest and goes with three of her dork friends to a Caribbean resort. And guess who tagged along for the vacation? That's right the fisherman dude with the big hook.

The most shocking thing about ISKWYDLS is the budget was reportedly $65 million!!! The original only cost $17 million and you had goddamn Buffy in it! Where the hell did the money go cause it damn sure ain't onscreen. And don't tell me it was the location because CLUB DREAD was made in 2004 (with Mexico also doubling for The Caribbean) for only $8.5 million. Now that I think about it CLUB DREAD a better horror movie than ISKWYDLS and it was comedy! The kills were better, the bloodshed was better, there was some quality nudity and overall it just looked better.

Padded body count with lame kills, zero nudity, zero gore, stupid as hell plot twist, non-threatening killer, lots of pointless talking, karaoke singing, boring secondary story about Freddie Prinze, Jr., amusing supporting performance by Jack Black as a reefer smoker, Jeffery Combs, zero scares.  Worth watching to laugh at, but if you're looking for a genuine horror movie then skip it. If you need me I'll be in my room watching CLUB DREAD. "Do you wanna get drilled by Manny?"

Part 1 - I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Part 3 - I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997)

Four teens go out partying during the last summer before they set off the conquer the world. While driving back from the beach, the driver is distracted by the drunk asshole hanging out the sunroof screaming his brains out and they run some dude over. So what do they do? Call the coppers and risk ruining their lives or just dump the motherfucker in the ocean? They decide on option #2, but unfortunately right as they're tossing the dude in the ocean...he's still alive! Yikes! Shit happens and they make a pact to never tell anybody ever. That works out alright for a little while, then the bodies start showing up. And by "bodies" I mean five total.

If you're looking for a badass horror movie then go watch INSIDE, because IKWYDLS is pure 90's teen soap opera cheese with some horror elements tossed in.  It's awesome. After the tragic event, Jennifer Love Hewitt gets all guilt-ridden and haggard looking; shit-talkin Ryan Phillippe doesn't become the big football star like he was boasting; Buffy Summers doesn't go to NYC and has to get a job at a department store and Freddie Prinze, Jr. ends up working on a fishing boat. Ohhh, so sad! And if all that wasn't crappy enough, now some dude in a fisherman jacket starts killing people with a big hook. Life just isn't fair!

Compared to other cheesy 90's teen horror movies like SCREAM or URBAN LEGEND, IKWYDLS is a little bit more light-weight (I'm surprised it got an R rating), but I have a soft spot for it because it stars a "Buffy"-era Sarah Michelle Gellar! I'm guessing she filmed this between Seasons 1 and 2. The two things that bothered me the most (besides the lack of violence and nudity) was JLH's god-awful screaming and the killer's almost supernatural abilities...the gym locker room scene and the cleaning up of the car trunk are the two biggest things that made me think "Bullshit!".

Worth watching if you're into this sort of thing, but don't expect anything profound. It's pure junk food for the brain.

Part 2 - I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Part 3 - I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

THE KILLING (1956)

There's no foolin' around here!  THE KILLING jumps straight into the exciting story about a group of tough guys that are looking pull a racetrack heist worth $2 million clams. You got two inside men (a cashier and a bartender), the distractions (a giant wrestler to start a bar fight and a sharpshooter to snipe the lead horse during the big race), the financier, the gun man and the getaway guy (a crooked cop). The plan is full proof. Full proof I tells ya! Except that this one palooka keeps running his yap to his dame - a selfish money-hungry, shit-talkin' moll, that'll stop at nothing to get her mitts on all that tasty spinach.

THE KILLING is awesome. It's hard to think of a better example of a young filmmaker improving his craft from one film to the next better than with Stanley Kubrick and the rough around the edges, KILLER'S KISS in 1955 to the incredible THE KILLING only one year later. Memorable characters that are all bitter and hard-boiled as fook, a quick pace, the acting by the entire cast is great, awesome story, a few shocking moments...but I think the two things THE KILLING is remembered for the most is its photography and non-linear storytelling. Both have been copied many times since. I won't get into all the examples, but it's a lot.

Sadly, The Kube turned his back on film noir after THE KILLING but at least he went out with a bang. Highly recommended.

Rodney Dangerfield