THE TOWERING INFERNO (1974)

THE TOWERING INFERNO never got quite as epic as the posters promised, but it is a fun ride and the 165-minute run time flies by.

Paul Newman is the architect for a new 138 floor skyscraper in San Francisco.  The building is his baby, he knows it inside and out, but then right before the big grand opening with a party in the Promenade Room on the top floor, he discovers that some of the electrical wiring he demanded was replaced with shoddy second-rate stuff that can't withstand the awesome load of such an awesome building!  Oh shit.  Naturally, a fire breaks out on the 81st floor.  This traps the partiers on the 135 floor, so now at the 43-minute mark enters badass fire chief Steve McQueen to do what bad ass fire chiefs do: fight fires, talk sternly, save lives left and right, tie himself to a pole, stare down an elevator shaft, ride on a wire underneath a helicopter, talk to O.J. Simpson without suffering a 14 cm-long (5.5 inches) gash across their throat, set off massive explosions with C4, get drenched in water, pat people on the shoulder and repeatedly bitch at Paul Newman for building skyscrapers too damn tall!  When will you ever learn?!!

Out of all the 1970's disaster movies I've seen, THE TOWERING INFERNO is probably the most exciting.  And the one I revisit the most.  Quick pace, good special effects, above average acting, the term "breeches buoy" used a lot, McQueen barking orders all over the place, control panels full of lights, McQueen and Newman with the exact same amount of lines, C4, awesome supporting cast.

Required viewing for fans of vintage disaster movies. I'd absolutely love to see a serious reboot of this story. Even an animated version that tries to match that badass poster artwork would be awesome!

THEM! (1954)

[Update 05/10/2022: Need rewatch this film and redo this review completely.]

One of the very first giant monster movies of the 50's, THEM! opens quite matter of factly with two cops investigating a mysterious girl found walking alone in the desert.  I really like this approach because it plays off like a mystery movie then suddenly out of nowhere...giant ants!!!  A team is assembled, including FBI agent James Arness, to locate and raid the ant nest.  They do, but not before some of the flying queen ants escape to parts unknown.  So now they have to track down the queens and kill them before the ants take over the world.

Audiences nowadays will probably be bored to tears, but movie nerds with a curiosity about classic sci-fi will get a kick out of.  I especially enjoyed seeing a young James Whitmore and a pre-"Gunsmoke" James Arness, although I do wish there had been a building crushing rampage scene like the poster promises.  Worth a one time watch.

GHOST SHIP (2002)

More like ghost shit, amirite?

GHOST SHIP wasn't as good as I was expecting...and I was expecting it to suck.  The story is about a long lost snooze ship that's just floatin' around out in the ocean for like 40 years when some salvage dudes find it.  Nothing happens for a long time until eventually the salvage crew figures out that there's more to this ship than meets the eye.  They try to escape but it's too late...they're firmly in the sleep inducing clutches of a ghost.  A really boring ghost.

Zero scares, zero gore, zero logic, shitty CG, piss poor topless scene, zero fucks given.  I'm sure there's some people out there who love GHOST SHIP, but I'm not one of them and I can't even see why it's even considered a "horror" movie cause nothing even remotely scary happens the entire movie.  The story has potential, but flushes it all away.  Skip it with a vengeance.

If you need me I'll be in my room watching the ghost ship episode of The X-Files.