EXCISION (2012)

Kinda like the AMERICAN BEAUTY of gore and perversion (except for the fact AB is one of the greatest films ever and this film is only so-so), EXCISION tells the story of an outwardly normal upper-middle class suburban family that is actually all fucked up...especially the eldest teenage daughter, Pauline.  Pauline barely has any grasp on reality and spends most of her time fantasizing about gore and blood and a whole flock of other perversions.  Despite the fact that she is clearly off her rocker, she still attends normal classes and is even allowed to roam around without multiple armed guards in riot gear.

I'm not going to give away the story, but I really enjoyed the first two acts of EXCISION, especially the awesome fantasy scenes.  The last act, not so much, but that's just my personal feelings maybe you'll think it was great.  Personally I wish it had been done a little bit more dreamier.

I was impressed by the fact that not only did the filmmakers center this story around a female, but they were able to find one as beautiful and talented as AnnaLynne McCord to play the lead.  I knew she was talented from her brief stint on "Nip/Tuck", but she was truly impressive here and quite brave to be so uglied up for nearly the entire film.  Also, I was really impressed with Traci Lords acting in this film.

Not the greatest gore perversion film of all time or even in the Top 50, but still an fun ride filled with quite a few laughs.

SILENT NIGHT (2012)

Terrible.  Why should I spend even more than one minute writing this review when it's obvious the makers of this stinker barely spent more than that coming up with the story?  Step 1) Small town. Step 2) Butthole in Santa suit going around killing people.  Step 3) The End.  Hey, look at me!  I'm a movie writer!!!

Lens flare overdose, weak story, unimaginative kills, boring looking Santa killer dude, poor acting by everybody (except for that cussing kid), nice looking picture, fancy cinematography that irritated me, unattractive nudity, lots and lots of talking.  Skip the fuck out of this turkey and never look back.  Alright minute's up.

 Hey, it's ol' girl from MR. HUSH.  I hate the fact that I know that.

 This kid's brief foul-mouthed appearance was the highlight of the movie.  They should make a movie about her and Tyler from FISH TANK.

HALLOWEEN II (2009)

"Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck.  Fuck.  Oh, God.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck!  Oh, fuck!"

Michael's back. The endless string of fuck's are back. The 70's rock is back. The close-ups are back and this time they brought along a friend: really bright lights shining into smoke.

The story is pretty simple...Laurie is still alive and now living with Danielle Harris and her father, Sheriff Brad Dourif. Laurie also has some new friends that are exactly as annoying as her old friends. Michael is still alive and, I guess, for the last two years he's just been walking around working on growing a powerbeard. He's also been building his lower body strength as evidenced when he picks up a fucking car! What the fuck?

Anyway, the beginning of the movie is actually almost alright with the stabbing and action and blood. Then during the middle, it starts to slow down with lots of talking and the world's shittiest party band. And the ending...holy shit. Zombie just takes a gigantic undead shit all over the viewer with the slow motion, the unemotional emotional horseshit, a full length music video (I'm not joking), silent moments and Michael talking! What the fuck is that blasphemous shit?!

Another thing that really burned my biscuits was making the Dr. Loomis character into an asshole. I bet Donald Pleasence was fucking spinning in his grave. That's what they should do! Make a movie where Donald Pleasence is so pissed off over the shitty HALLOWEEN remakes that he comes back from the dead and starts chasing Rob Zombie around, except that Rob can't run very fast because his giant boots and bracelets and designer jeans keep getting caught up on shit.

Fair amount of blood, overstylized everything, tons of cussing, nice body count, mostly boring kills, a few boring tits, horrible Halloween party and distracting cameos including "Weird Al" Yankovic. Great, now I'm daydreaming about Spatula City when I'm suppose to be watching Michael.

Not a terrible watch if you're looking for a few good laughs.

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 1 - Halloween (2007)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)