Tuesday, May 17, 2011

HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1989)

As you might remember, at the end of Part 4, Michael and his crooked shoulders got run the fook over by a truck and then shot a bunch of times until falls into a big hole. Well, the hole conveniently had an emergency exit.  He crawls out the exit, floats downstream in a river for like 10 seconds then crawls onshore and passes out.  "So longer, coppers!  You'll never find me over here...75 feet from where you last saw me!  Ahhh-hahahahaha!!!"  Anyway, he passes out and for the next year(!!!) a hobo takes care of the unconscious Michael until the following Halloween eve, when he springs to life like an acrobat and started killing all over again!  (I have so many questions about the whole hobo taking care of Michael thing, but the review would be way too long.  It just boggles the mind to think about and I can guarantee you that somebody somewhere has already written a Florence Nightingale/Michael Myers-homoerotic-coma-patient-bedpan-sniffing fan fiction romance, so I'll just leave it at that.)

Anyway, Michael still wants to kill his niece, Jamie (yawn), so he heads back into town, steals a bitchin' Camaro and kills some people in meh fashion.  It's not very entertaining....zero nudity, very little blood, 80's clothing and hair, Michael crying (what a pussy!!!), another unseen police station slaughter, Donald Pleasence yelling the same old lines all over again, a psychic link between the niece and Michael, a completely insane ending that tries to add some supernatural shenanigans to the Michael Myers story.

Worth watching for fans, but overall I was disappointed. I blame the crappy script and the director who according to IMDb hasn't done anything notable before or since HALLOWEEN 5.

Also, in the poster, why is Jamie still wearing the clown outfit from Part 4?  She doesn't wear it at all in Part 5, except for in a brief flashback.

Part 1 - Halloween
Part 2 - Halloween II
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection
Remake 1 - Halloween
Remake 2 - Halloween II
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)