Sunday, June 5, 2011

HALLOWEEN (2007)

For the most part horror remakes are silly and Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN isn't any different. It's definitely better than Michael Bay's blasphemous FRIDAY THE 13th "reboot", but that ain't saying much. It's kinda like saying falling dick first into a tree shredder is better than falling balls first into a tree shredder. The main problem with the movie is it's 121 minutes long and boring! The story is exactly the same as the original, just with more "fucks" to make it grittier and more random, pointless strangers for Michael to kill. The only thing that ever roused me out of my boredom-induced stupor was the assorted genre cameos, but even that got annoying after awhile...Oh, hey, look it's Sybil Danning as a nurse with two lines or look it's that fucking Monkee motherfucker as a gun store clerk. Whoopee!!! But the absolute worst part about the movie was the close-ups! I swear to Satan at least 35% of this movie is fucking close-ups!

Maybe I'm being too rough on it, but I can't help it. The movie's lame. Zombie obviously has some talent, just not very much. Maybe if he continues making movie for the next 50 years he'll eventually make an original and good movie, but I'm not holding my breath.

Lots of cussing, over-stylized camerawork (example: when Michael kills the camera suddenly starts shaking a lot), close-up overdose, blood, some nice tits, 70's rock songs, Sheri Moon Zombie's patented style of overacting, zero tension, zero scares, lots of talking, jump scenes. I say skip it and just watch Part 2 (1981) again instead.

Part 1 - Halloween
Part 2 - Halloween II
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection
Remake 2 - Halloween II