HALLOWEEN (2007)

For the most part, horror remakes are silly and Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN isn't any different. It's definitely better than Michael Bay's blasphemous FRIDAY THE 13th "reboot", but that ain't saying much. It's kinda like saying falling dick first into a tree shredder is better than falling balls first into a tree shredder.

The main problem with the movie is it's 121 minutes long and boring! The story is the same as the original, with just more "fucks" added in and more random strangers for Michael to kill. The only thing that ever roused me out of my boredom-induced stupor was the assorted genre cameos, but even that got annoying after awhile...Oh, hey, look it's Sybil Danning as a nurse with two lines or look it's that Monkee motherfucker as a gun store clerk. Whoopee!!! But the absolute worst part is the close-ups! I swear to Satan at least 35% of this movie is fucking close-ups!

Maybe I'm being too rough on it, but I can't help it. The movie's lame. Zombie obviously has some filmmaking talent, just not very much. Maybe if he continues making movie for the next 50 years, he'll eventually make an original and good movie, but I'm not holding my breath.

Lots of cussing, over-stylized camerawork (example: when Michael kills the camera suddenly starts shaking a lot), close-up overdose, blood, some nice tits, 70's rock songs, Sheri Moon Zombie's patented style of overacting, zero tension, zero scares, lots of talking, jump scenes.

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 2 - Halloween II (2009)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)