THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG (1975)

Set back in the Old West days, THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG is about a traveling gambler (Bill Bixby) who inadvertently gets saddled with three annoying punk kids. I hate them. And everybody in town hates them also. That is…until the kids discover a huge chunk of gold! Now suddenly everybody wants to adopt these annoying (and wealthy) fucks. At the same time, two bumbling idiots (Don Knotts and Tim Conway) devise several goofy ideas to steal the gold.

Tim Conway and Don Knotts are by far the best part of the movie. Their stupid shenanigans are kinda funny, but not really. When they were on screen, I was amused. When they weren’t, I was not amused and struggled to pay attention to the run-of-the-mill story.

So, should you watch these apple dumpling motherfuckers? Ehhh. If you were born after 1980, then probably not. It’s pretty dated. But for fans of older cinema, it was a treat to see so many familiar faces like Slim Pickens, Harry Morgan, Susan Clark and John McGiver hamming it up in a light-hearted kids movie. Medium pace, a few mildly funny jokes, simple story. THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG is an okay lazy afternoon time-waster. But, if you’re looking for some classic Conway-Knotts hijinks then check out THE PRIVATE EYES. I’ve seen that fucker like 50 times and I still crack up at the bullshit they get up to in that movie. “She’s gone! She’s gooooonnne!!!”

Part 2 - The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again (1979)

THE PRIVATE EYES (1980)

There's been a murder at the Morley Manor and it appears that the victim, Lord Morley himself asked that detectives Don Knotts and Tim Conway come solve his murder. How can it be that the murder victim is the one who contacted Scotland Yard? Kinda strange huh? Well, not as strange as the cast of characters that make up the servants and family that live in the mansion. I won't go through them all, but my favorite is the butler who murdered his wife's 13 lovers and now anytime he hears the word "murder" he goes into a violent frenzy until you kick him in the balls!

Naturally, both Knotts and Conway are idiots (Knotts thinks he's smart and Conway has a knack for inventing useless items, like the "Time Gun" that goes off every hour), but despite this they still somehow come across some clues. Will they solve the murder? Or figure out who's the hooded figure going around killing all the servants?! Well, you're just going to have to find out for yourself.

I might be biased towards this film since I fell in love with it as a child and watched it a million times, but I genuinely think it's a funny film and well worth checking out especially if you enjoy silly mystery comedies.  Highly recommended.

The audio commentary by Don Knotts is also worth a listen. He tells some pretty interesting stories about filming this movie in such a huge mansion and even says the script was written in two days, but I find that very hard to believe.